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The Fall were a group from Manchester founded by the enigmatic Mark E. Smith in 1976, after seeing the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall. The group would go on to influence many bands over it's 40+ years of existence, such as Pavement and LCD Soundsystem. (Click link for write up on band)

The Fall was founded by one Mark E. Smith back in 1976, after seeing the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall (The same gig attended by Ian Curtis and Peter Hook of Joy Division, Morrissey of the Smiths, and Tony Wilson, who founded the highly influential indie label Factory Records. Basically, Mark was at one of the more important gigs of the past 50 years, as this gig inspired all of those previously mentioned to either start bands or get involved in the punk scene, and changing the course of British indie music.). Over their 40+ years of operation, the band had Mark E. Smith at its helm as the sole constant member throughout it's existence. The band would become known for its classic assortment of records, with the tight musicianship by members such as guitarist Craig Scanlon and drummer Karl Burns (shown in the beginning of this clip from MTV's Cutting Edge) and Mark's esoteric lyricism, the witty, while often-times volatile and difficult, personality of Mark E. Smith, and the constant changing lineup of its members as a result of Mark's volatility. They would also remain to be the favorite band of legendary DJ John Peel, with the band holding the record of the most Peel sessions by a band, which is 24 sessions. The Fall would ultimately come to an end with the untimely death of Mark E. Smith in 2018 due to kidney and lung cancer.
The Fall are a significant band in the history of Post Punk, with a wide catalog of music to listen to released throughout the different eras of the band. I have decided to make a write-up going through the many eras of the Fall, while giving some recommendations from each era to start you off.
(1976 - early 1979 - Early Beginnings: The Martin Bramah Era)
during these years, the Fall were just getting their start with their sound. Their early material leans more towards the punk side of the sword rather than the post punk of their later years, but the embryo of the Fall's sound is clearly present. This can possibly be attributed to the guitar style of Martin Bramah in their early releases, which has a high pitched and trebly sound to the guitars. Their first recorded released came on a live album on the last day of operation for the Electric Circus, then they released their debut EP Bingo Master's Breakout then a single called It's The New Thing all in 1978. They finally released their debut album Live at the Witch Trials in March 1979 before Martin Bramah left in April 1979 due to increasing tensions with Mark E. Smith. He would then go on to found a band by the name of Blue Orchids with another former Fall member Una Baines, who he was dating at the time. Martin would prove to not be the only member to leave because of Mark's controlling demeanor in the band's future.
Here's some tracks to introduce you to this era's punky edge:
Last Orders
Bingo Master's Breakout EP (The entire EP's good to check out)
It's The New Thing
Rebellious Jukebox
Futures and Pasts
Mother-Sister
(mid 1979 - 1982 - The First Golden era: the Marc Riley Era)
I'm calling this the Marc Riley era because, even though Marc Riley was a part of the Bramah era, after Martin Bramah left, Riley would become the main guitarist instead of his previous role as bassist. This would open the door for members like Craig Scanlon to join on rhythm guitar and Steve Hanley on bass. This would end up transforming the sound of the band into the post-punk sound most people are familiar with the band. After releasing Rowche Rumble and the album Dragnet in 1979, the band would end up releasing a string of classic singles in 1980, such as Fiery Jack, How I Wrote Elastic Man, and probably their most well-known song, Totally Wired, as well as releasing the great album Grotesque (After the Gramme). 1981 would also prove to be a good year, with the release of the single Lie Dream of a Casino Soul and the 10-inch EP Slates. The band would end up travelling to Iceland for a string of gigs, which would lead to the recording of some songs for probably their best album Hex Enduction Hour, with tracks like Hip Priest and The Classical displaying the Fall's power in full force. The band would also released the album Room To Live and the single Look, Know. However, this year would prove to be the last with Marc Riley on lead guitar. After learning of their chart success in New Zealand (which was about 300 copies sold to get in the top 20), the band travelled there to play a few gigs in Australia and New Zealand. While there, increasing tensions between Smith and Riley came to a head in Australia when Riley punched Smith in the face for slapping the band for dancing to the Clash (yes, really). There is even a television interview where Mark's black eye is visible (even with heavy makeup). This tour would end up being released as a live album by the legendary New Zealand label Flying Nun Records as the album Fall in a Hole in 1983 (Which Smith would eventually threaten legal action for and forced Flying Nun to pay all of the revenue from the record, effectively almost killing Flying Nun in its infancy). Marc would end up being sacked by the end of the year. This left a hole to be filled for the lead guitar role, and that would be filled after a trip to America.
Here's some tracks to check out to introduce you to the classic Fall sound:
Rowche Rumble
How I Wrote Elastic Man
Totally Wired
New Face in Hell
Prole Art Threat
Lie Dream of a Casino Soul
Hip Priest
The Classical (N-Word Warning)
Iceland
Winter
Marquis Cha-Cha
(1983 - 1989 - The Second Golden era: The Brix Smith Era)
The band would soldier on without Marc Riley into 1983, with Craig Scanlon taking his place on lead guitar. This period would lead to the release of singles like The Man Whose Head Expanded and the Kicker Conspiracy EP. During the Fall's first American tour without Marc Riley, Mark E Smith was introduced to Brix Smith after a gig in Chicago in April. Within three months, Brix would move to England and end up marrying Mark. She would eventually join the band in September of that year and would first appear on their album Perverted by Language, albeit with minimal involvement and only appearing on one track. Her introduction to the band would end up bringing a pop sensibility to the band, as she would eventually become a major songwriting contributor along with Mark and she would try and push the Fall into a more commercially viable direction.
This period would lead to some of the band's most critically acclaimed,as well as their most commerically successful, material. early singles like C.R.E.E.P and Oh! Brother in 1984 display the early shift into the pop sphere for the band. The band would also release the album The Wonderful and Frightening World Of in 1984. By 1985, the band were starting to hit their stride in the commercial sphere, with singles like Cruiser's Creek and Couldn't Get Ahead appearing in the singles charts and the great album This Nation's Saving Grace receiving critical acclaim and decent sales. The band would continue to release increasingly pop-oriented records between 1986-1987, with singles like Mr. Pharmacist, Hit the North and Hey! Luciani reaching the lower ends of the charts, There's a Ghost In My House giving the band their highest singles chart peak, and the album Bend Sinister reaching the Top 40. However, 1988 would prove to be a banner year for the band, with the album The Frenz Experiment reaching the top 20, and the single of the Kinks song Victoria also reaching the top 40. However, this era would eventually come to an end in 1989, when Mark E Smith and Brix Smith ended up divorcing and Brix left the band. Her last record in this era would prove to be the album I am Kurious Oranj, a collaboration with the Michael Clark dance group. However, the trajectory that Brix set the band upon would let their success continue into the 90s, With the band eventually reaching their peak in commercial popularity. However, not all good things are meant to last.
Here's some songs to check out to introduce you to this era's pop-leaning sound:
The Man Whose Head Expanded
Kicker Conspiracy
Eat Y'self Fitter
C.R.E.E.P
2 X 4
Cruiser's Creek
No Bulbs
Spoilt Victorian Child
My New House
I am Damo Suzuki
Shoulder Pads #1
Mr. Pharmacist
Hey! Luciani
There's a Ghost in my House
Hit The North
Victoria
Big New Prinz
Dead Beat Descendant
(1990 - 1994 - The Peak, followed by the Fall: The Major Label years)
After Brix left the band, Martin Bramah was brought back into the fold to fill in her place, and would be featured on the album Extricate, which led to songs like Telephone Thing, which shows influence from the Madchester scene of that time period, which included the Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays, and the love song Bill is Dead, which possibly reflects upon his divorce the previous year. However, Martin Bramah would not be staying for long, as he would end up being kicked out of the band that same year for having a relationship with the keyboardist. This album marked the period when the band would be featured on a major label, with the band being signed to Fontana. The Fall would continue on to have success during this period, with the aforementioned Extricate reaching the top 40, albums like Shift-Work and Code: Selfish reaching the top 30, and singles like White Lightning and Free Range reaching in the single charts, with Free Range being the bands last top 40 single. Their commercial peak would come with the album The Infotainment Scan, which contained a cover of Lost in Music by Sister Sledge, giving the Fall their first and only top 10 hit album. Mark would also be featured on a top 20 single, which was I Want You by the Inspiral Carpets. However, Mark E. Smith's speed and alcohol addiction, which persisted over the previous decade, started to take its toll. The bands fortunes started to dwindle with the album Middle Class Revolt, Which only reach number 48 in the charts, a far cry from their previous Top 10 success. With this album, the Fall would begin to go downhill, both in their commercial performance and their critical stature.
Here's some songs to check out from this banner period for the Fall:
Telephone Thing
I'm Frank
Bill is Dead
Edinburgh Man
Free Range
Lost in Music
Hey! Student
15 Ways
(1995-1998 - The Low Point: The Brownies Years)
By this point, Mark E. Smith begins to go downhill with the previously mentioned drug and alcohol addiction, and its effect on the music shows. Brix Smith returns around this time period and would come back on the album Cerebral Caustic. Even with her involvement in the band, the album got middling reviews and performed worse than Middle Class Revolt. Smith would also dismiss the long time guitarist Craig Scanlon, who had co-written 120 songs with Smith over the previous 16 years. Smith would later say that he regretted this decision. By the time of The Light User Syndrome, Brix had enough of Mark E. Smith's degrading state and behavior due to alcohol abuse, and would leave on the tour supporting this album. This period would be wrought with increasing tensions in the band and financial troubles, which ultimately came to a head on the US tour supporting the album Levitate at an infamous gig at the New York venue Brownies in April of 1998. Smith ended up appearing drunk at the gig, and did everything in his power to make it hard for the band to play. It came to a head when drummer Karl Burns, who returned to the band when Middle Class Revolt was made, ended up shoving Smith for messing with his drum kit. Burns and long-time/essential bassist Steve Hanley would end up leaving the band and never returning. After this gig, the next few years are marked with the band remaining a low profile for the most part, where would eventually return to form by 2003.
Here's some tracks to check out (if you want to) from this era:
Don't Call me Darling
Rainmaster
D.I.Y Meat
The Chiselers
Powder Keg
Masquerade
(1998 - 2002 - Touch Sensitive: The Long Lull)
During this period of the Fall, the band was just starting to be put back together by Mark after the debacle that was the Brownies gig. The band was able to achieve some form of critical favor with their album The Marshall Suite in 1999, with Touch Sensitive being a particular standout on the album and being featured in a Volkswagen commercial. The band would then release their album The Unutterable, which also started to gain the critic's favor back. The next album Are You Are Missing Winner, however, didn't do the band any favors, as it was recorded when the band was tight on funds. It was considered a misstep by the Fall after the acclaim that the last album received. However, this would ultimately lead to the start of a new era of the fall that would effectively renew their relevance as a band in the public's eye.
Here's some tracks to check out from this transitional period of the bands history:
Touch Sensitive
W.B
Sons of Temperance
Dr. Bucks Letter
Bourgeois Town
(2003 - 2009 - A return to grace: The Third Golden Age)
This era of the fall proved to be a rebirthing of the band's relevance and quality, with Mark writing some of the best material the band had in years. This era starts with the album The Real New Fall LP (Formerly Country on the Click) in 2003, which provided the band with some late era classics, such as Mountain Energei and Theme From Sparta F.C. Around this period, the DJ John Peel, who was one of the band's biggest supporters from the beginning, died of a heart attack, but not before the Fall could release one more Peel session a couple months before his death. The Fall would then release Fall Heads Roll in 2005, which also provided the band with another late-era classic in the form of Blindness. The band would also release albums like Reformation Post TLC and Imperial Wax Solvent within the same period. Imperial Wax Solvent would end up being the first Fall album in 15 years to reach the top 40. This would lead into the final era of the Fall leading up to Mark E. Smith's untimely death.
Here's some tracks to check out from this era:
Mountain Energei
Theme From Sparta F.C.
Blindness
Clasp Hands
Fall Sound
Latchkey Kid
Is This New
Strange Town
(2010 - 2018 - The Witching Hour: The Domino and Cherry Red/final years)
In 2010, the Fall would release Your Future Our Clutter on Domino Records, the same label that releases records by the Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand, Two bands heavily influenced by the Fall. Mark E. Smith would also end up recording vocals for Glitter Freeze on the Gorillaz album Plastic Beach, which was released in 2010. The band would eventually move to Cherry Red records, which would remain the label of the band until its dissolution. On Cherry Red, the Fall would release album such as Ersatz GB, Re-Mit, Sub-Lingual Tablet, and New Facts Emerge. The latter album would prove to be the band's last record. Over this period, Mark began to develop significant health problems, and would eventually be diagnosed with terminal lung and kidney cancer. This is probably due to the fact that Mark E. Smith was a heavy smoker for most of his life, and his previous problems with drugs and alcohol didn't help either. Mark would perform his final gig with the Fall in November of 2017, and would eventually succumb to his illnesses on January 24th, 2018. Mark E. Smith would leave behind a long history of innovation, wit, and volatility and large catalog of great music for others to be inspired by.
Here's some tracks to check out from the final era of the Fall:
Bury Pts. 2 + 4
Nate Will Not Return
Loadstones
Fibre Book Troll
New Facts Emerge
(Final Remarks)
So that's my write-up for the Fall. I discovered this band about 3-4 years ago and I have fallen in love with them ever since, and I just felt like that they deserved some attention. I wrote this post for anyone who may be interested in checking out the band and giving them a place to start from no matter the era. May Mark E. Smith rest in peace, for he wrote "Northern white crap that talks back" and dug repetition.
P.S: For any fans of the fall, what is your favorite album/song by the fall and why?
If you want to, you can come check out my subreddit Collectionhauls, where I've been posting vinyl finds I've had at the flea market, and have been posting music to check out since March. If you want, you can come post something from your collections to show to others. Anyway, goodbye and I hope you enjoyed my post and possibly enjoy the Fall even more.
submitted by ryuundo to CoreMu [link] [comments]

Lets Talk: The Fall

The Fall was founded by one Mark E. Smith back in 1976, after seeing the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall (The same gig attended by Ian Curtis and Peter Hook of Joy Division, Morrissey of the Smiths, and Tony Wilson, who founded the highly influential indie label Factory Records. Basically, Mark was at one of the more important gigs of the past 50 years, as this gig inspired all of those previously mentioned to either start bands or get involved in the punk scene, and changing the course of British indie music.). Over their 40+ years of operation, the band had Mark E. Smith at its helm as the sole constant member throughout it's existence. The band would become known for its classic assortment of records, with the tight musicianship by members such as guitarist Craig Scanlon and drummer Karl Burns (shown in the beginning of this clip from MTV's Cutting Edge) and Mark's esoteric lyricism, the witty, while often-times volatile and difficult, personality of Mark E. Smith, and the constant changing lineup of its members as a result of Mark's volatility. They would also remain to be the favorite band of legendary DJ John Peel, with the band holding the record of the most Peel sessions by a band, which is 24 sessions. The Fall would ultimately come to an end with the untimely death of Mark E. Smith in 2018 due to kidney and lung cancer.
The Fall are a significant band in the history of Post Punk, with a wide catalog of music to listen to released throughout the different eras of the band. I have decided to make a write-up going through the many eras of the Fall, while giving some recommendations from each era to start you off.
(1976 - early 1979 - Early Beginnings: The Martin Bramah Era)
during these years, the Fall were just getting their start with their sound. Their early material leans more towards the punk side of the sword rather than the post punk of their later years, but the embryo of the Fall's sound is clearly present. This can possibly be attributed to the guitar style of Martin Bramah in their early releases, which has a high pitched and trebly sound to the guitars. Their first recorded released came on a live album on the last day of operation for the Electric Circus, then they released their debut EP Bingo Master's Breakout then a single called It's The New Thing all in 1978. They finally released their debut album Live at the Witch Trials in March 1979 before Martin Bramah left in April 1979 due to increasing tensions with Mark E. Smith. He would then go on to found a band by the name of Blue Orchids with another former Fall member Una Baines, who he was dating at the time. Martin would prove to not be the only member to leave because of Mark's controlling demeanor in the band's future.
Here's some tracks to introduce you to this era's punky edge:
Last Orders
Bingo Master's Breakout EP (The entire EP's good to check out)
It's The New Thing
Rebellious Jukebox
Futures and Pasts
Mother-Sister
(mid 1979 - 1982 - The First Golden era: the Marc Riley Era)
I'm calling this the Marc Riley era because, even though Marc Riley was a part of the Bramah era, after Martin Bramah left, Riley would become the main guitarist instead of his previous role as bassist. This would open the door for members like Craig Scanlon to join on rhythm guitar and Steve Hanley on bass. This would end up transforming the sound of the band into the post-punk sound most people are familiar with the band. After releasing Rowche Rumble and the album Dragnet in 1979, the band would end up releasing a string of classic singles in 1980, such as Fiery Jack, How I Wrote Elastic Man, and probably their most well-known song, Totally Wired, as well as releasing the great album Grotesque (After the Gramme). 1981 would also prove to be a good year, with the release of the single Lie Dream of a Casino Soul and the 10-inch EP Slates. The band would end up travelling to Iceland for a string of gigs, which would lead to the recording of some songs for probably their best album Hex Enduction Hour, with tracks like Hip Priest and The Classical displaying the Fall's power in full force. The band would also released the album Room To Live and the single Look, Know. However, this year would prove to be the last with Marc Riley on lead guitar. After learning of their chart success in New Zealand (which was about 300 copies sold to get in the top 20), the band travelled there to play a few gigs in Australia and New Zealand. While there, increasing tensions between Smith and Riley came to a head in Australia when Riley punched Smith in the face for slapping the band for dancing to the Clash (yes, really). There is even a television interview where Mark's black eye is visible (even with heavy makeup). This tour would end up being released as a live album by the legendary New Zealand label Flying Nun Records as the album Fall in a Hole in 1983 (Which Smith would eventually threaten legal action for and forced Flying Nun to pay all of the revenue from the record, effectively almost killing Flying Nun in its infancy). Marc would end up being sacked by the end of the year. This left a hole to be filled for the lead guitar role, and that would be filled after a trip to America.
Here's some tracks to check out to introduce you to the classic Fall sound:
Rowche Rumble
How I Wrote Elastic Man
Totally Wired
New Face in Hell
Prole Art Threat
Lie Dream of a Casino Soul
Hip Priest
The Classical (N-Word Warning)
Iceland
Winter
Marquis Cha-Cha
(1983 - 1989 - The Second Golden era: The Brix Smith Era)
The band would soldier on without Marc Riley into 1983, with Craig Scanlon taking his place on lead guitar. This period would lead to the release of singles like The Man Whose Head Expanded and the Kicker Conspiracy EP. During the Fall's first American tour without Marc Riley, Mark E Smith was introduced to Brix Smith after a gig in Chicago in April. Within three months, Brix would move to England and end up marrying Mark. She would eventually join the band in September of that year and would first appear on their album Perverted by Language, albeit with minimal involvement and only appearing on one track. Her introduction to the band would end up bringing a pop sensibility to the band, as she would eventually become a major songwriting contributor along with Mark and she would try and push the Fall into a more commercially viable direction.
This period would lead to some of the band's most critically acclaimed,as well as their most commerically successful, material. early singles like C.R.E.E.P and Oh! Brother in 1984 display the early shift into the pop sphere for the band. The band would also release the album The Wonderful and Frightening World Of in 1984. By 1985, the band were starting to hit their stride in the commercial sphere, with singles like Cruiser's Creek and Couldn't Get Ahead appearing in the singles charts and the great album This Nation's Saving Grace receiving critical acclaim and decent sales. The band would continue to release increasingly pop-oriented records between 1986-1987, with singles like Mr. Pharmacist, Hit the North and Hey! Luciani reaching the lower ends of the charts, There's a Ghost In My House giving the band their highest singles chart peak, and the album Bend Sinister reaching the Top 40. However, 1988 would prove to be a banner year for the band, with the album The Frenz Experiment reaching the top 20, and the single of the Kinks song Victoria also reaching the top 40. However, this era would eventually come to an end in 1989, when Mark E Smith and Brix Smith ended up divorcing and Brix left the band. Her last record in this era would prove to be the album I am Kurious Oranj, a collaboration with the Michael Clark dance group. However, the trajectory that Brix set the band upon would let their success continue into the 90s, With the band eventually reaching their peak in commercial popularity. However, not all good things are meant to last.
Here's some songs to check out to introduce you to this era's pop-leaning sound:
The Man Whose Head Expanded
Kicker Conspiracy
Eat Y'self Fitter
C.R.E.E.P
2 X 4
Cruiser's Creek
No Bulbs
Spoilt Victorian Child
My New House
I am Damo Suzuki
Shoulder Pads #1
Mr. Pharmacist
Hey! Luciani
There's a Ghost in my House
Hit The North
Victoria
Big New Prinz
Dead Beat Descendant
(1990 - 1994 - The Peak, followed by the Fall: The Major Label years)
After Brix left the band, Martin Bramah was brought back into the fold to fill in her place, and would be featured on the album Extricate, which led to songs like Telephone Thing, which shows influence from the Madchester scene of that time period, which included the Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays, and the love song Bill is Dead, which possibly reflects upon his divorce the previous year. However, Martin Bramah would not be staying for long, as he would end up being kicked out of the band that same year for having a relationship with the keyboardist. This album marked the period when the band would be featured on a major label, with the band being signed to Fontana. The Fall would continue on to have success during this period, with the aforementioned Extricate reaching the top 40, albums like Shift-Work and Code: Selfish reaching the top 30, and singles like White Lightning and Free Range reaching in the single charts, with Free Range being the bands last top 40 single. Their commercial peak would come with the album The Infotainment Scan, which contained a cover of Lost in Music by Sister Sledge, giving the Fall their first and only top 10 hit album. Mark would also be featured on a top 20 single, which was I Want You by the Inspiral Carpets. However, Mark E. Smith's speed and alcohol addiction, which persisted over the previous decade, started to take its toll. The bands fortunes started to dwindle with the album Middle Class Revolt, Which only reach number 48 in the charts, a far cry from their previous Top 10 success. With this album, the Fall would begin to go downhill, both in their commercial performance and their critical stature.
Here's some songs to check out from this banner period for the Fall:
Telephone Thing
I'm Frank
Bill is Dead
Edinburgh Man
Free Range
Lost in Music
Hey! Student
15 Ways
(1995-1998 - The Low Point: The Brownies Years)
By this point, Mark E. Smith begins to go downhill with the previously mentioned drug and alcohol addiction, and its effect on the music shows. Brix Smith returns around this time period and would come back on the album Cerebral Caustic. Even with her involvement in the band, the album got middling reviews and performed worse than Middle Class Revolt. Smith would also dismiss the long time guitarist Craig Scanlon, who had co-written 120 songs with Smith over the previous 16 years. Smith would later say that he regretted this decision. By the time of The Light User Syndrome, Brix had enough of Mark E. Smith's degrading state and behavior due to alcohol abuse, and would leave on the tour supporting this album. This period would be wrought with increasing tensions in the band and financial troubles, which ultimately came to a head on the US tour supporting the album Levitate at an infamous gig at the New York venue Brownies in April of 1998. Smith ended up appearing drunk at the gig, and did everything in his power to make it hard for the band to play. It came to a head when drummer Karl Burns, who returned to the band when Middle Class Revolt was made, ended up shoving Smith for messing with his drum kit. Burns and long-time/essential bassist Steve Hanley would end up leaving the band and never returning. After this gig, the next few years are marked with the band remaining a low profile for the most part, where would eventually return to form by 2003.
Here's some tracks to check out (if you want to) from this era:
Don't Call me Darling
Rainmaster
D.I.Y Meat
The Chiselers
Powder Keg
Masquerade
(1998 - 2002 - Touch Sensitive: The Long Lull)
During this period of the Fall, the band was just starting to be put back together by Mark after the debacle that was the Brownies gig. The band was able to achieve some form of critical favor with their album The Marshall Suite in 1999, with Touch Sensitive being a particular standout on the album and being featured in a Volkswagen commercial. The band would then release their album The Unutterable, which also started to gain the critic's favor back. The next album Are You Are Missing Winner, however, didn't do the band any favors, as it was recorded when the band was tight on funds. It was considered a misstep by the Fall after the acclaim that the last album received. However, this would ultimately lead to the start of a new era of the fall that would effectively renew their relevance as a band in the public's eye.
Here's some tracks to check out from this transitional period of the bands history:
Touch Sensitive
W.B
Sons of Temperance
Dr. Bucks Letter
Bourgeois Town
(2003 - 2009 - A return to grace: The Third Golden Age)
This era of the fall proved to be a rebirthing of the band's relevance and quality, with Mark writing some of the best material the band had in years. This era starts with the album The Real New Fall LP (Formerly Country on the Click) in 2003, which provided the band with some late era classics, such as Mountain Energei and Theme From Sparta F.C. Around this period, the DJ John Peel, who was one of the band's biggest supporters from the beginning, died of a heart attack, but not before the Fall could release one more Peel session a couple months before his death. The Fall would then release Fall Heads Roll in 2005, which also provided the band with another late-era classic in the form of Blindness. The band would also release albums like Reformation Post TLC and Imperial Wax Solvent within the same period. Imperial Wax Solvent would end up being the first Fall album in 15 years to reach the top 40. This would lead into the final era of the Fall leading up to Mark E. Smith's untimely death.
Here's some tracks to check out from this era:
Mountain Energei
Theme From Sparta F.C.
Blindness
Clasp Hands
Fall Sound
Latchkey Kid
Is This New
Strange Town
(2010 - 2018 - The Witching Hour: The Domino and Cherry Red/final years)
In 2010, the Fall would release Your Future Our Clutter on Domino Records, the same label that releases records by the Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand, Two bands heavily influenced by the Fall. Mark E. Smith would also end up recording vocals for Glitter Freeze on the Gorillaz album Plastic Beach, which was released in 2010. The band would eventually move to Cherry Red records, which would remain the label of the band until its dissolution. On Cherry Red, the Fall would release album such as Ersatz GB, Re-Mit, Sub-Lingual Tablet, and New Facts Emerge. The latter album would prove to be the band's last record. Over this period, Mark began to develop significant health problems, and would eventually be diagnosed with terminal lung and kidney cancer. This is probably due to the fact that Mark E. Smith was a heavy smoker for most of his life, and his previous problems with drugs and alcohol didn't help either. Mark would perform his final gig with the Fall in November of 2017, and would eventually succumb to his illnesses on January 24th, 2018. Mark E. Smith would leave behind a long history of innovation, wit, and volatility and large catalog of great music for others to be inspired by.
Here's some tracks to check out from the final era of the Fall:
Bury Pts. 2 + 4
Nate Will Not Return
Loadstones
Fibre Book Troll
New Facts Emerge
(Final Remarks)
So that's my write-up for the Fall. I discovered this band about 3-4 years ago and I have fallen in love with them ever since, and I just felt like that they deserved some attention. I wrote this post for anyone who may be interested in checking out the band and giving them a place to start from no matter the era. May Mark E. Smith rest in peace, for he wrote "Northern white crap that talks back" and dug repetition.
I personally believe that the Fall, while revered in Post-Punk circles and UK indie music, I feel that they are still highly underappreciated in popular music. I feel that they should have been on the same level as the Cure or Joy Division in their cultural significance to music in general. However, what we do have from the Fall is great and I can say that I love them dearly.
For any fans of the fall, what is your opinion on the significance of the Fall to popular music? What do you find to be your favorite aspect of the Fall's music?
submitted by ryuundo to LetsTalkMusic [link] [comments]

The Fall were a group from Manchester founded by the enigmatic Mark E. Smith in 1976, after seeing the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall. The group would go on to influence many bands over it's 40+ years of existence, such as Pavement and LCD Soundsystem. (Click link for write up on band)

The Fall was founded by one Mark E. Smith back in 1976, after seeing the Sex Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall (The same gig attended by Ian Curtis and Peter Hook of Joy Division, Morrissey of the Smiths, and Tony Wilson, who founded the highly influential indie label Factory Records. Basically, Mark was at one of the more important gigs of the past 50 years, as this gig inspired all of those previously mentioned to either start bands or get involved in the punk scene, and changing the course of British indie music.). Over their 40+ years of operation, the band had Mark E. Smith at its helm as the sole constant member throughout it's existence. The band would become known for its classic assortment of records, with the tight musicianship by members such as guitarist Craig Scanlon and drummer Karl Burns (shown in the beginning of this clip from MTV's Cutting Edge) and Mark's esoteric lyricism, the witty, while often-times volatile and difficult, personality of Mark E. Smith, and the constant changing lineup of its members as a result of Mark's volatility. They would also remain to be the favorite band of legendary DJ John Peel, with the band holding the record of the most Peel sessions by a band, which is 24 sessions. The Fall would ultimately come to an end with the untimely death of Mark E. Smith in 2018 due to kidney and lung cancer.
The Fall are a significant band in the history of Post Punk, with a wide catalog of music to listen to released throughout the different eras of the band. I have decided to make a write-up going through the many eras of the Fall, while giving some recommendations from each era to start you off.
(1976 - early 1979 - Early Beginnings: The Martin Bramah Era)
during these years, the Fall were just getting their start with their sound. Their early material leans more towards the punk side of the sword rather than the post punk of their later years, but the embryo of the Fall's sound is clearly present. This can possibly be attributed to the guitar style of Martin Bramah in their early releases, which has a high pitched and trebly sound to the guitars. Their first recorded released came on a live album on the last day of operation for the Electric Circus, then they released their debut EP Bingo Master's Breakout then a single called It's The New Thing all in 1978. They finally released their debut album Live at the Witch Trials in March 1979 before Martin Bramah left in April 1979 due to increasing tensions with Mark E. Smith. He would then go on to found a band by the name of Blue Orchids with another former Fall member Una Baines, who he was dating at the time. Martin would prove to not be the only member to leave because of Mark's controlling demeanor in the band's future.
Here's some tracks to introduce you to this era's punky edge:
Last Orders
Bingo Master's Breakout EP (The entire EP's good to check out)
It's The New Thing
Rebellious Jukebox
Futures and Pasts
Mother-Sister
(mid 1979 - 1982 - The First Golden era: the Marc Riley Era)
I'm calling this the Marc Riley era because, even though Marc Riley was a part of the Bramah era, after Martin Bramah left, Riley would become the main guitarist instead of his previous role as bassist. This would open the door for members like Craig Scanlon to join on rhythm guitar and Steve Hanley on bass. This would end up transforming the sound of the band into the post-punk sound most people are familiar with the band. After releasing Rowche Rumble and the album Dragnet in 1979, the band would end up releasing a string of classic singles in 1980, such as Fiery Jack, How I Wrote Elastic Man, and probably their most well-known song, Totally Wired, as well as releasing the great album Grotesque (After the Gramme). 1981 would also prove to be a good year, with the release of the single Lie Dream of a Casino Soul and the 10-inch EP Slates. The band would end up travelling to Iceland for a string of gigs, which would lead to the recording of some songs for probably their best album Hex Enduction Hour, with tracks like Hip Priest and The Classical displaying the Fall's power in full force. The band would also released the album Room To Live and the single Look, Know. However, this year would prove to be the last with Marc Riley on lead guitar. After learning of their chart success in New Zealand (which was about 300 copies sold to get in the top 20), the band travelled there to play a few gigs in Australia and New Zealand. While there, increasing tensions between Smith and Riley came to a head in Australia when Riley punched Smith in the face for slapping the band for dancing to the Clash (yes, really). There is even a television interview where Mark's black eye is visible (even with heavy makeup). This tour would end up being released as a live album by the legendary New Zealand label Flying Nun Records as the album Fall in a Hole in 1983 (Which Smith would eventually threaten legal action for and forced Flying Nun to pay all of the revenue from the record, effectively almost killing Flying Nun in its infancy). Marc would end up being sacked by the end of the year. This left a hole to be filled for the lead guitar role, and that would be filled after a trip to America.
Here's some tracks to check out to introduce you to the classic Fall sound:
Rowche Rumble
How I Wrote Elastic Man
Totally Wired
New Face in Hell
Prole Art Threat
Lie Dream of a Casino Soul
Hip Priest
The Classical (N-Word Warning)
Iceland
Winter
Marquis Cha-Cha
(1983 - 1989 - The Second Golden era: The Brix Smith Era)
The band would soldier on without Marc Riley into 1983, with Craig Scanlon taking his place on lead guitar. This period would lead to the release of singles like The Man Whose Head Expanded and the Kicker Conspiracy EP. During the Fall's first American tour without Marc Riley, Mark E Smith was introduced to Brix Smith after a gig in Chicago in April. Within three months, Brix would move to England and end up marrying Mark. She would eventually join the band in September of that year and would first appear on their album Perverted by Language, albeit with minimal involvement and only appearing on one track. Her introduction to the band would end up bringing a pop sensibility to the band, as she would eventually become a major songwriting contributor along with Mark and she would try and push the Fall into a more commercially viable direction.
This period would lead to some of the band's most critically acclaimed,as well as their most commerically successful, material. early singles like C.R.E.E.P and Oh! Brother in 1984 display the early shift into the pop sphere for the band. The band would also release the album The Wonderful and Frightening World Of in 1984. By 1985, the band were starting to hit their stride in the commercial sphere, with singles like Cruiser's Creek and Couldn't Get Ahead appearing in the singles charts and the great album This Nation's Saving Grace receiving critical acclaim and decent sales. The band would continue to release increasingly pop-oriented records between 1986-1987, with singles like Mr. Pharmacist, Hit the North and Hey! Luciani reaching the lower ends of the charts, There's a Ghost In My House giving the band their highest singles chart peak, and the album Bend Sinister reaching the Top 40. However, 1988 would prove to be a banner year for the band, with the album The Frenz Experiment reaching the top 20, and the single of the Kinks song Victoria also reaching the top 40. However, this era would eventually come to an end in 1989, when Mark E Smith and Brix Smith ended up divorcing and Brix left the band. Her last record in this era would prove to be the album I am Kurious Oranj, a collaboration with the Michael Clark dance group. However, the trajectory that Brix set the band upon would let their success continue into the 90s, With the band eventually reaching their peak in commercial popularity. However, not all good things are meant to last.
Here's some songs to check out to introduce you to this era's pop-leaning sound:
The Man Whose Head Expanded
Kicker Conspiracy
Eat Y'self Fitter
C.R.E.E.P
2 X 4
Cruiser's Creek
No Bulbs
Spoilt Victorian Child
My New House
I am Damo Suzuki
Shoulder Pads #1
Mr. Pharmacist
Hey! Luciani
There's a Ghost in my House
Hit The North
Victoria
Big New Prinz
Dead Beat Descendant
(1990 - 1994 - The Peak, followed by the Fall: The Major Label years)
After Brix left the band, Martin Bramah was brought back into the fold to fill in her place, and would be featured on the album Extricate, which led to songs like Telephone Thing, which shows influence from the Madchester scene of that time period, which included the Stone Roses and the Happy Mondays, and the love song Bill is Dead, which possibly reflects upon his divorce the previous year. However, Martin Bramah would not be staying for long, as he would end up being kicked out of the band that same year for having a relationship with the keyboardist. This album marked the period when the band would be featured on a major label, with the band being signed to Fontana. The Fall would continue on to have success during this period, with the aforementioned Extricate reaching the top 40, albums like Shift-Work and Code: Selfish reaching the top 30, and singles like White Lightning and Free Range reaching in the single charts, with Free Range being the bands last top 40 single. Their commercial peak would come with the album The Infotainment Scan, which contained a cover of Lost in Music by Sister Sledge, giving the Fall their first and only top 10 hit album. Mark would also be featured on a top 20 single, which was I Want You by the Inspiral Carpets. However, Mark E. Smith's speed and alcohol addiction, which persisted over the previous decade, started to take its toll. The bands fortunes started to dwindle with the album Middle Class Revolt, Which only reach number 48 in the charts, a far cry from their previous Top 10 success. With this album, the Fall would begin to go downhill, both in their commercial performance and their critical stature.
Here's some songs to check out from this banner period for the Fall:
Telephone Thing
I'm Frank
Bill is Dead
Edinburgh Man
Free Range
Lost in Music
Hey! Student
15 Ways
(1995-1998 - The Low Point: The Brownies Years)
By this point, Mark E. Smith begins to go downhill with the previously mentioned drug and alcohol addiction, and its effect on the music shows. Brix Smith returns around this time period and would come back on the album Cerebral Caustic. Even with her involvement in the band, the album got middling reviews and performed worse than Middle Class Revolt. Smith would also dismiss the long time guitarist Craig Scanlon, who had co-written 120 songs with Smith over the previous 16 years. Smith would later say that he regretted this decision. By the time of The Light User Syndrome, Brix had enough of Mark E. Smith's degrading state and behavior due to alcohol abuse, and would leave on the tour supporting this album. This period would be wrought with increasing tensions in the band and financial troubles, which ultimately came to a head on the US tour supporting the album Levitate at an infamous gig at the New York venue Brownies in April of 1998. Smith ended up appearing drunk at the gig, and did everything in his power to make it hard for the band to play. It came to a head when drummer Karl Burns, who returned to the band when Middle Class Revolt was made, ended up shoving Smith for messing with his drum kit. Burns and long-time/essential bassist Steve Hanley would end up leaving the band and never returning. After this gig, the next few years are marked with the band remaining a low profile for the most part, where would eventually return to form by 2003.
Here's some tracks to check out (if you want to) from this era:
Don't Call me Darling
Rainmaster
D.I.Y Meat
The Chiselers
Powder Keg
Masquerade
(1998 - 2002 - Touch Sensitive: The Long Lull)
During this period of the Fall, the band was just starting to be put back together by Mark after the debacle that was the Brownies gig. The band was able to achieve some form of critical favor with their album The Marshall Suite in 1999, with Touch Sensitive being a particular standout on the album and being featured in a Volkswagen commercial. The band would then release their album The Unutterable, which also started to gain the critic's favor back. The next album Are You Are Missing Winner, however, didn't do the band any favors, as it was recorded when the band was tight on funds. It was considered a misstep by the Fall after the acclaim that the last album received. However, this would ultimately lead to the start of a new era of the fall that would effectively renew their relevance as a band in the public's eye.
Here's some tracks to check out from this transitional period of the bands history:
Touch Sensitive
W.B
Sons of Temperance
Dr. Bucks Letter
Bourgeois Town
(2003 - 2009 - A return to grace: The Third Golden Age)
This era of the fall proved to be a rebirthing of the band's relevance and quality, with Mark writing some of the best material the band had in years. This era starts with the album The Real New Fall LP (Formerly Country on the Click) in 2003, which provided the band with some late era classics, such as Mountain Energei and Theme From Sparta F.C. Around this period, the DJ John Peel, who was one of the band's biggest supporters from the beginning, died of a heart attack, but not before the Fall could release one more Peel session a couple months before his death. The Fall would then release Fall Heads Roll in 2005, which also provided the band with another late-era classic in the form of Blindness. The band would also release albums like Reformation Post TLC and Imperial Wax Solvent within the same period. Imperial Wax Solvent would end up being the first Fall album in 15 years to reach the top 40. This would lead into the final era of the Fall leading up to Mark E. Smith's untimely death.
Here's some tracks to check out from this era:
Mountain Energei
Theme From Sparta F.C.
Blindness
Clasp Hands
Fall Sound
Latchkey Kid
Is This New
Strange Town
(2010 - 2018 - The Witching Hour: The Domino and Cherry Red/final years)
In 2010, the Fall would release Your Future Our Clutter on Domino Records, the same label that releases records by the Arctic Monkeys and Franz Ferdinand, Two bands heavily influenced by the Fall. Mark E. Smith would also end up recording vocals for Glitter Freeze on the Gorillaz album Plastic Beach, which was released in 2010. The band would eventually move to Cherry Red records, which would remain the label of the band until its dissolution. On Cherry Red, the Fall would release album such as Ersatz GB, Re-Mit, Sub-Lingual Tablet, and New Facts Emerge. The latter album would prove to be the band's last record. Over this period, Mark began to develop significant health problems, and would eventually be diagnosed with terminal lung and kidney cancer. This is probably due to the fact that Mark E. Smith was a heavy smoker for most of his life, and his previous problems with drugs and alcohol didn't help either. Mark would perform his final gig with the Fall in November of 2017, and would eventually succumb to his illnesses on January 24th, 2018. Mark E. Smith would leave behind a long history of innovation, wit, and volatility and large catalog of great music for others to be inspired by.
Here's some tracks to check out from the final era of the Fall:
Bury Pts. 2 + 4
Nate Will Not Return
Loadstones
Fibre Book Troll
New Facts Emerge
(Final Remarks)
So that's my write-up for the Fall. I discovered this band about 3-4 years ago and I have fallen in love with them ever since, and I just felt like that they deserved some attention. I wrote this post for anyone who may be interested in checking out the band and giving them a place to start from no matter the era. May Mark E. Smith rest in peace, for he wrote "Northern white crap that talks back" and dug repetition.
P.S: For any fans of the fall, what is your favorite album/song by the fall and why?
If you want to, you can come check out my subreddit Collectionhauls, where I've been posting vinyl finds I've had at the flea market, and have been posting music to check out since March. If you want, you can come post something from your collections to show to others. Anyway, goodbye and I hope you enjoyed my post and possibly enjoy the Fall even more.
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2020 Anagrammed NFL Draft

In peak offseason form, I decided to anagram all the draft picks. I did have two rules, I could not use the original player's name (Example: Brian Burns, could not be Brain Burns), and I couldn't add a suffix to the name. There could definitely be better ones, I used this website.
I also, did this last year!

Arizona Cardinals A Lizard Ran Casino
Isaiah Simmons So I Smash A Mini
Josh Jones N/A
Leki Fotu Kite Foul
Rashard Lawrence Draw Lean Archers
Evan Weaver Never A Wave
Eno Benjamin Join Bean Men

Atlanta Falcons Tan Canal Floats
A.J. Terrell Jar Teller
Marlon Davidson Donor Vandalism
Matt Hennessy Neatest Hymns
Mykal Walker Mark Wall Key
Jaylinn Hawkins Lanky Shin In Jaw
Sterling Hofrichter Fresh Her Tiring Colt

Baltimore Ravens Irremovable Ants
Patrick Queen Quaint Pecker
J.K. Dobbins Bi DJ’s Knob (u/oprimaelocho)
Justin Madubuike Junkie Autism Bud
Devin Duvernay Nude Navy Diver
Malik Harrison I Shank Oral Rim
Tyre Phillips They Rip Pills
Ben Bredeson Bone Benders
Broderick Washington Jr Jacking Wind Or Brothers
James Proche Major Speech
Geno Stone Onto Genes

Buffalo Bills Fulfills A Bob
A.J. Epenesa Pee A Jeans
Zack Moss N/A
Gabriel Davis A Visible Grad
Jake Fromm Jam Me Fork
Tyler Bass Bras Style
Isaiah Hodgins I Has Indigo Ash
Dane Jackson Can And Jokes

Carolina Panthers Chaparral Tension
Derrick Brown Worn Red Brick
Yetur Gross-Matos Our Moss Strategy
Jeremy Chinn Me Rich Jenny
Troy Pride Dirty Rope
Kenny Robinson No Skinny Boner
Bravvion Roy Rob Ivory Van
Stanley Thomas-Oliver Antislavery Lost Home

Chicago Bears He Car Go Basic
Cole Kmet Elk Comet
Jaylon Johnson N/A
Trevis Gipson Pig Investors
Kindle Vildor Old Evil Drink
Darnell Mooney Modernly Alone
Arlington Hambright Lightning Bath Armor
Lachavious Simmons I Viscous Ham Salmon

Cincinnati Bengals In Incest Balancing
Joe Burrow Rue Row Job
Tee Higgins Genie Sight
Logan Wilson Slowing Loan
Akeem Davis-Gaither I Gave A Shrieked Mat
Khalid Kareem Mad Lake Hiker
Hakeem Adeniji Media Jean Hike
Markus Bailey I Mauls Bakery

Cleveland Browns Blend Low Caverns
Jedrick Wills Will Jerk Disc
Grant Delpit Pelting Dart
Jordan Elliott A Jointed Troll
Jacob Phillips A Spill Chip Job
Harrison Bryant Ran Barn History
Nick Harris Rink Chairs
Donovan Peoples-Jones Snoop On Develop Jeans

Dallas Cowboys Classy Wood Lab
CeeDee Lamb A Emcee Bled
Trevon Diggs Dog Rig Vents
Neville Gallimore Ever Legal Million
Reggie Robinson Sobering Region
Tyler Biadasz A Stylized Bar
Bradlee Anae Enable A Dare
Ben DiNucci Iced Cub Inn

Denver Broncos Born Conserved
Jerry Jeudy N/A
K.J. Hamler N/A
Michael Ojemudia I Had Ale Juice Mom
Lloyd Cushenberry Sorry Lynched Lube
McTelvin Agam Given Calm Mat
Albert Okwuegbunam But Unworkable Game
Justin Strnad Din Stunts Jar
Netane Muti Neat Minute
Tyrie Cleveland Evidently Clear
Derrek Tuszka Raze Dusk Trek

Detroit Lions Tried Lotions
Jeff Okudah A Huff Joked
D'Andre Swift I Dent Dwarfs
Julian Okwara Ruin Koala Jaw
Jonah Jackson John Jack A Son
Logan Stenberg Gargle Bonnets
Quintez Cephus Nut Speech Quiz
Jason Huntley Enjoy Lush Ant
John Penisini Join Ship Nine
Jashon Cornell Recalls On John

Green Bay Packers Grab Peak Scenery
Jordan Love Old Oven Jar
AJ Dillon A Jill Nod
Josiah Deguara Said Jaguar Hoe
Kamal Martin Main Ram Talk
Jon Runyan Jr Nun Ran Joy (N/A with Jr.)
Jake Hanson Sneak A John
Simon Stepaniak Mistaken Pianos
Vernon Scott Consort Vent
Jonathan Garvin Java Ran Nothing

Houston Texans Haunts Onto Sex
Ross Blacklock Rollback Socks
Jonathan Greenard And Rear Jean Thong
Charlie Heck Chick Healer
John Reid Join Herd
Isaiah Coultier Sea Oil Haircut

Indianapolis Colts Spinal Dislocation
Michael Pittman Jr Inject Primal Math
Jonathan Taylor Jot Than Any Oral
Julian Blackmon Jumbo Clink Anal
Jacob Eason A Canoe Jobs
Danny Pinter Dinner Panty
Robert Windsor I Borrow Trends
Isaiah Rodgers Sad Hair Orgies
Dezmon Patton Zap Tom Tendon
Jordan Glasgow Log Dragon Jaw

Jacksonville Jaguars Jail Vocal Gas Junkers
C.J. Henderson N/A
K'Lavon Chaisson I Shank Volcanos
Laviska Shenault Native Salsa Hulk
DaVon Hamilton I No Moth Vandal
Ben Bartch Bench Brat
Josiah Scott Jots His Taco
Shaquille Quarterman Tan Ham Equal Squirrel
Daniel Thomas Mad Hailstone
Collin Johnson Oh Conn Son Jill
Jake Luton Joule Tank
Tyler Davis Stray Devil
Chris Claybrooks Richly Book Scars

Kansas City Chiefs Satisfy As Chicken
Clyde Edwards-Helaire Sewed Elder Chairlady
Willie Gay I Wage Lily
Lucas Niang Suing Canal
L'Jarius Sneed Injured Seals
Mike Danna I Man Naked
Thakarius Keyes I Shakes A Turkey

Las Vegas Raiders A Visa Regardless
Henry Ruggs Shy Erg Rung
Damon Arnette Nematode Rant
Lynn Bowden N/A
Bryan Edwards Dew Barnyards
Tanner Muse Nest Manure
John Simpson Mops In Johns
Amik Robertson Not Smokier Bra

Los Angeles Chargers Gas Rose Challengers
Justin Herbert Thin Rub Jester
Kenneth Murray Hurry Men Taken
Joshua Kelley Easy Hull Joke
Joe Reed Jeer Doe
Alohi Gilman Hang Oil Mail
K.J. Hill N/A

Los Angeles Rams Angler Molasses
Cam Akers A Smacker
Van Jefferson N/A
Terrell Lewis Let Reel Swirl
Terrell Burgess Less Regret Blur
Brycen Hopkins Skinny Herb Cop
Jordan Fuller Full Drone Jar
Clay Johnston Jot Nylon Cash
Sam Sloman Slams Mason
Tremayne Anchrum Mean Than Mercury

Miami Dolphins Midshipman Oil
Tua Tagovailoa Auto Goat Avail
Austin Jackson Asks A Junction
Noah Igbinoghene I Bone Hanging Hoe
Robert Hunt Brother Nut
Raekwon Davis Invoked As War
Brandon Jones No Nerd Banjos
Solomon Kindley Old Lion Monkeys
Jason Strowbridge God Brews Janitors
Curtis Weaver Recruits Wave
Blake Ferguson Forsaken Bulge
Malcolm Perry Merry Mall Cop

Minnesota Vikings Mistaking Venison
Justin Jefferson Rejoins Jet Snuff
Jeff Gladney En Fed Jag Fly
Ezra Cleveland Even All Crazed
Cameron Dantzler Crazed Lemon Rant
D.J. Wonnum N/A
James Lynch Lynches Jam
Troy Dye Dyer Toy
Harrison Hand Ran Rhino Dash
K.J. Osborn Nork Jobs (u/oprimaelocho)
Blake Brandel Banked Baller
Josh Metellus Just Some Hell
Kenny Willekes New Elk Skyline
Nate Stanley Teen Analyst
Brian Cole No Caliber
Kyle Hinton Then In Yolk

New England Patriots Petting A Landowners
Kyle Dugger Gurgled Key
Josh Uche N/A
Anfernee Jennings Gene In Fern Jeans
Devin Asiasi I Invade A Sis
Dalton Keene Not A Kneeled
Justin Rohrwasser Injures War Shorts
Michael Onwenu Nice Humane Owl
Justin Herron Injures North
Cassh Maluia Has A Musical
Dustin Woodard Dad Riot Wounds

New Orleans Saints No Slant Weariness
Cesar Ruiz Us Crazier
Zack Baun N/A
Adam Trautman Mama At Tundra
Tommy Stevens My Venom Tests

New York Giants Knew Gyrations
Andrew Thomas Homeward Ants
Xavier McKinney I Even Mix Cranky
Matt Peart Tat Tamper
Darnay Holmes Harmony Deals
Shane Lemieux Exhume Aliens
Cam Brown Warn Comb
Carter Coughlin Crouching Alert
T.J. Brunson BJ Turn Ons (u/oprimaelocho)
Chris Williamson Choir In Sawmills
Tae Crowder Cowered Rat

New York Jets We Snot Jerky
Mekhi Becton No Meek Bitch
Denzel Mims Slimmed Zen (u/TimDunkan)
Ashtyn Davis This Shy Navy
Jabari Zuniga I Ruin A Zag Jab
La'Mical Perine Prime Alliance
James Morgan Major Men Gas
Cameron Clark Crackle Manor
Bryce Hall Belly Arch
Braden Mann Damn Banner

Philadelphia Eagles Illegal Headship Ape
Jalen Reagor A Jog Learner
Jalen Hurts Ten Lush Jar
Davion Taylor Toad Oar Vinyl
K'Von Wallace Clank A Vowel
Jack Driscoll Call Jock Rids
John Hightower How He Thorn Jig
Shaun Bradley Husbandly Ear
Quez Watkins We Stank Quiz
Prince Tega Wanogho Opera Ace Nightgown
Casey Toohill Loyalist Echo

Pittsburgh Steelers Brightest Slurp Tees
Chase Claypool A Locale Psycho
Alex Highsmith Thigh Leash Mix
Anthony McFarland Jr My Damn Jolt Ranch Fan
Kevin Dotson Invoked Snot
Antoine Brooks Rain Notebooks
Carlos Davis Saliva Cords

San Francisco 49ers 49 Carcass Infernos
Javon Kinlaw Know Van Jail
Brandon Aiyuk Okay Ruin Band
Colton McKivitz It Mock Volt Zinc
Charlie Woerner Heroine Crawler
Jauan Jennings In Jag Nun Jeans

Seattle Seahawks Weakest Hat Sales
Jordyn Brooks Sky Nor Rod Job
Darrell Taylor Lordly Real Art
Damien Lewis I Mind Weasel
Colby Parkinson No Skip Carbonyl
DeeJay Dallas Add A Sea Jelly
Alton Robinson No Barn Lotions
Freddie Swain Dawn Fireside
Stephen Sullivan Valentines Plush

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Bet Cabana Supremacy
Tristan Wirfs Warns It First
Antoine Winfield Jr Final Twin Rejoined
Ke'Shawn Vaughn Shaven Hawk Gun
Tyler Johnson Only Horn Jets
Khalil Davis Kill Via Dash
Chapelle Russell All Lurches Sleep
Raymond Calais Irony Mac Salad

Tennessee Titans Nineteens States
Isaiah Wilson A Liaison Wish
Kristian Fulton Afro Tit Unlinks
Darrynton Evans Yarn Ant Vendors
Larrell Murchison Rim Roll Launchers
Cole McDonald Called Condom
Chris Jackson Hijacks Corns

Washington Redskins Rethinking Ass Downs
Chase Young One Cash Guy
Antonio Gibson Boasting Onion
Saahdiq Charles N/A
Antonio Gandy-Golden No Tango And Yodeling
Keith Ismael I Metal Sheik
Khaleke Hudson Hole Head Skunk
Kamren Curl Murk Lancer
James Smith-Williams His Wise Mammal Jilts
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Red v. Blue: Color Symbolism & Americana in Twin Peaks

Note: I'm writing this as someone who has watched the entire original series, Fire Walk With Me, The Missing Pieces, and The Return, as well as other features from Lynch's filmography (Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive, Elephant Man, Blue Velvet, Eraserhead); marked for spoilers now, do not proceed if you haven't seen them all. This is a longpost for Twin Peaks-obsessed nuts like me.
One of the things that remains a statement of the original incarnation (and thus, a statement by being substituted with HD digital cameras in The Return) is Twin Peaks's absolute mastery of the highly saturated 4:3 box TV aesthetic. I've heard Lynch was adamant the color palette not be corrected to a grittier, desaturated version when execs received the tapes. It's part of what's made so many iconic sequences and shots from the original run hallmarks of Tumblr and Instagram accounts aplenty. Twin Peaks came (and could be argued, ushered) on the precipice of a major shift in the television format. We would see the contemporary form of television media developed further with shows like The Sopranos in the HBO prime cable era, or The X-Files (no wonder Chris Carter plundered Twin Peaks's cast for his own attempt). As a marker for the end of the 80s and its preceding decades though, in many ways Twin Peaks to spoke to a form of TV largely since faded: soap operas and sitcoms and serials. It's part of why I loved the metatextual inclusion of the soap opera Invitation to Love, allowing the show to reference its own stylized dramaturgy.

Jade & Emerald... Jade give two rides, hm?
Very specifically, I find the series loves to riddle blue and red, like one oni to another. Fire and water. Hot-cold (like the shivery feeling Audrey gets when she holds an ice cube on her bare skin for a long time). The red and blue on Mike's TP varsity letterman jacket could be the most striking and concise marriage of this dynamic pairing. Donna & Maddie dive into this in the season 2 opener, scheming at the Double R (docked points for the silly jailhouse seduction routine by Donna, though). Subtler in palette but more obvious in Americana, Major Briggs's omnipresent blue uniform incorporates red in his breast patch (and Don S. Davis's ruddy-warm complexion, imo) speaking to his inherent patriotism as part of the Air Force. On more than one occasion Big Ed is spotted with a red & blue flannel.
Much to be said about the pairing of Bobby & Mike, comparing to BOB & MIKE; MIKE saw the face of God, but Bobby is the one who saw the light in this duo.
The flashing lights of a cop car. Dr. Jacoby's iconic 3D glasses-flavored shades (note that Jacoby and Ben both hailed from the Robert Wise-directed 1961 film adaptation of West Side Story, the famous 50s musical depicting rival gangs experiencing a Romeo & Juliet plot amidst culture clash in NYC). Lil the Dancer, communicating through expressive dance a coded message in FWWM. A barbershop quartet in the background behind Coop & Albert in "Coma".
I believe it's The Secret History of Twin Peaks book that is paired with red and blue filter lenses, so you can view certain hidden information? Either way, Lynch likes his 50s/60s Americana; reminds me of Castle Horror gimmicks.
The blue flower was a central Romanticism symbol; as blue roses don't occur in nature, they hold an air of mystery and fantastic possibility. Tennessee Williams used the blue rose to symbolize the fragile & unique character Laura(!!) in The Glass Menagerie.
The sign outside One-Eye Jack's. Red pairs often with green or black in gambling/casino situations; from the card deck motif for the sex workers to the mix-match patches of a roulette wheel. The malfunctioning lift for Leo in "The Orchid's Curse." The stage behind Julee Cruise during Roadhouse performances, especially "Lonely Souls." Even though the Red Room is known for its red, we see eventually that the Lodge holds strobing blue lights and the milky cataracts of doppelgangers. In a more peaceful sense, blue light washes over Laura as she smiles in the Lodge at the end of FWWM, reunited finally with her angel.
You can practically hear the buzz of the neon zapping into life from here. Knowing how important electricity is to Twin Peaks, these little details really stand out.
Ben and Jerry, at various times, switch between the two to complement each other much like the Miser Brothers. We also see it in Ben's interactions with Catherine; their affair in "Traces to Nowhere" finds Catherine clad in a powdery blue blanket, Ben's fiery tie, Catherine's ruby toenails (sidenote: not a fan of the Tarantino interaction). We see more of this Ben-Catherine color scheme in "Cooper's Dreams" during the Iceland convention with Leland's impromptu dancefloor breakdown. Ben, as central locus for Twin Peaks's criminal element, seems to be a lightning pole for these color dynamics. Notable is his integral need as a character to keep his publicly clean image and seedy underworld dealings separate, the perfect human symbol for Lynch's sequence in Blue Velvet's intro depicting the rotting & squirming insects buried beneath the idyllic Levittown surface of Lumberton. And Ben, even beyond his perennial cigar, enjoys many scenes by the fire of a hearth.
Ben floats through the two by himself on a regular basis, which I think ties into his role as the uber 80s corporate & cold American businessman, espousing social niceties & charm but hiding his sinister and impulsive skeletons in the closet. It's almost like he should be Lodge, but he's only run parallel to it as a human being.
Likewise, when it comes to the Lodge, BOB and the Man from Another Place/The Arm make a perfect red-blue pair. I noticed this especially in FWWM during the chaotic convenience store sequence. Given that during the night the sky can range from black as a cup of Coop's coffee to a Prussian shade, by following a Goethe color theory mindset, we can admit "Blue is a darkness weakened by light." BOB never comes off weak, but as a possessing spirit, for the viewer, his sudden appearances/reveals herald a (at times literal) spotlight into the black oil that is his essence (follow this link for a Youtube vid that informed some of my own theories). Goethe characterizes blue as common (think of country folk and bikers and truckers), as well as cold and melancholy, powerful. Red is much easier for The Arm; in addition to evoking the Christian iconography of a devilish imp figure, he is pure fire, the kind that truly walks with you (Goethe considers red as beautiful, dignified, closer to the essence of light; perhaps this echoes the Neoclassical Venus statue found often with Red Room curtains, or the red lipstick of the various beautiful women commonly prey to Twin Peaks).
BOB's always clad in blue denim to match The Arm's impish red suit. Noticeable since they remain the two most active agents as Lodge creatures, continuing the BOB/MIKE dualism that existed pre-show.
Given the only color left to throw in is white (HMM,, White Lodge? Sarah's pale horse? Leland's hair? The stuffed arctic fox in Ben's office? That weird long-faced elk thing at the Packard-Martell house? Pete and Coop enjoying/trying to order a mug of milk? The Tremond/Chalfont boy's white mask?) and you have the Star-Spangled Banner itself (the mini-flag at Twin Peaks Sheriff's office that flanks Coop while he's sitting across the table from Dr. Jacoby, as well as Coop's fixation on the full-sized incarnation while he's in the Bros. Fusco's office during his Dougie stint in The Return, are just two instances). Notable as a tri-color national aesthetic, red white & blue sometimes finds its way back in altered forms: straightforward visual representation with the Icelandic investors, as well as more tonally & artistically-derived influence from Lynch's favorite country (we'll forget the agonizing French hookup leaving scene from The Return and think more of Monica Bellucci's dream sequence, or Ben & Jerry orgasming over fresh baguettes with brie).
Great shot from Tim Hunter here.
Part 9, \"This is the chair.\" I remember this sequence being a spark of sorts, tantalizing to see Coop stir somewhat from his Dougie stupor.
While it should come as no surprise an American show would have many American-specific themes, I'm often convinced that Lynch is using the visual shorthand to simultaneously sing, criticize, celebrate, and reflect on what it means to be America. It is not coincidence that Dale Bartholomew Cooper's name reflects the notorious Pacific Northwest hijacker D.B. Cooper, or Harry Truman with the 33rd President (who, mind you, ordered the atomic bombs dropped in WWII). Or Franklin "Frank" Truman with the 32nd, for that matter. Coop openly ponders the Kennedy assassination (itself rife for conspiracy theories and speculation, much like TP) in a log to Diane, as well as Marilyn Monroe's involvement with the family; who else is Laura Palmer but a hometown Monroe?
Much like D.B. Cooper, Coop took a historic leap.
I would love to dig down deep and really review all of his work to understand more about Lynch's fixation on Lincoln (a portrait is in the Donna/James classroom when Laura's death is announced; a dramatic shot in Blue Velvet fixates on Lincoln Street which divides the town's good/bad parts & has an antagonist by the name of Booth; the "Gotta light?" Woodsman in The Return).
Now if someone could explain this connection... Dick says this right before the fire alarms go off and swamp Leland with water while BOB rams Leland's head in to break his last vessel and escape from justice.
Why Lincoln? I refer to it as The House Divided. Lincoln is one of the most recognizable presidents, partially due to his assassination (Kennedy echo), partially due to his role in the Civil War and how America resolved its most divisive internal conflict. He's emblematic of the Old America and the New America, slavery and post-slavery, secession and preservation. Somewhat like Republicans & Democrats, red v. blue. We know the toy Lincoln Logs, we hear the term Lincoln Lawyer, he's even one of the faces on Mt. Rushmore (referenced explicitly in The Return - "There they are Albert, faces of stone"- as well as compositionally in "Cooper's Dreams"); given the existence of both a Black Lodge and White Lodge in mythos, I think it's safe to draw at least some broad comparison to black America and white America (as well as Windom Earle's fetish for chess). Even as a goofier entry during Season 2's decaying period, Ben's mental lapse into General Robert E. Lee and fixation on the Civil War (mirroring Johnny Horne's fixation with the indigenous headdress and colonist America) gives some meat to this motif. Although it's never quite outright verbalized in show, one gets the sense that America is inherently built on some original sins. The water in the well was poisoned before the Trinity test
Notable too for the context of having Hawk (Nez Perce) included in this recreation. Mt. Rushmore was originally a sacred place for the Lakota Sioux; its present condition is considered desecration to their culture. America in its current incarnation was founded on the genocide and forced relocation of its indigenous peoples; Twin Peaks is loaded with Native American patterns and imagery, i.e. The Great Northern.
Note as well that red, by itself, can easily be tied to Twin Peaks's lifeforce, and by extension Lynch's entire repertoire. Fire. Red velvet curtains. Lipstick and nail polish. Blood. Pete's fisherman flannel. Audrey's heels, and her cherry trick. Norma's cherry pie. Log Lady's frames. "Let's rock" on Agent Desmond's car in FWWM. The women at One-Eye Jack's. The blooming roses peaking through white picket fences in Blue Velvet. The vast majority of neon signage (The Roadhouse especially). The traffic light at Sparkwood & 21. Leo's ostentatious Corvette. The lifeline zigzags on the high school walls. MIKE, in Philip Gerard, is fond of red tops, connecting him directly with The Arm. Much is made of Twin Peaks's proximity to Canada in the original series; the corrupt Mountie during the internal investigation arc stands out. The balloons at Dougie's corporate plaza. The Scarlet Letter. Lancelot Court, red door. Laura Palmer's Secret Diary.
Night time, my time. Red can be a carnal color, igniting passion, but also a warning to stop, turn back. Often we find it in the company of characters who have experienced a lot in Lynch's world, and not too much good.
And blue too. Blue is much more sparing in Twin Peaks, to greater mystical effect. Blue Rose. Laura's cold lips in the Pilot. Blue Velvet. Isabella Rossellini's dramatic eyeshadow as Dorothy Vallens. The waitress outfits at the Double R Diner. Leo's button-down when Shelly shoots him. The light in the morgue as Hawk tails Philip Gerard. The lifeline zigzags on hospital monitors (how they spike with Ronette, how they fall flat when Leland strangles Jacques). Ronette is swaddled in soft blue blankets during the S2 opener, her tilted head recalls Marian imagery (interesting from a Madonna-Whore complex standpoint); two episodes later her IV drip is tainted with blue dye, a visit from BOB. Maddie Ferguson's nightgown during her carpet-stain vision. Coop's iconic jammies. Rita's blue key & Betty's blue box in Mulholland Drive. The woman's hair at Club Silencio. Whenever television sets or camera footage shows up onscreen in Twin Peaks, there's a noticeable cool blue tint: think of that first tape, Laura & Donna dancing in the woods; the static showcased in the opening credits to FWWM; the footage of Coop gambling, obsessed over by Jean Renault. Gordon & Albert speaking together after meeting with Mr. C and watching Tammy walk away. Flashes of lightning. The sign at the Luna Lounge, where Fred Madison plays his discordant sax solo in Lost Highway.
Two dead girls wash up in the water. Calhoun Memorial's morgue stays bathed in blue light. Louise Bourgeois claimed it as hallmark, stating blue left behind \"the drabness of day-to-day reality\" for \"a world of freedom\", inner truths. BOB is certainly free.
Beyond red and blue, the colors I tend to notice in Twin Peaks are pink and green (notable for following a warm/cool polarization as well), which do not concern themselves to the same extent with Americana, if at all. Pink is much more sparse in its application, typically feminine: Nadine's prom dress during her suicide attempt in the S1 finale; Naido/Diane's bathrobe in The Return; the drapes behind the new One-Eyed Jack's girl Ben sleeps with in "Zen" (purposefully designed to evoke a vagina, in my opinion); fudging into purple, but we can count the Mauve Zone and Coop's run-in with Naido to an extent; Gersten Hayward's princess outfit during her piano performance for the Palmers; the trio of Candie, Mandie & Sandie; the gut-churning Pink Room sequence from FWWM with Laura & Donna.
Candie was a surprising standout for The Return. I felt these girls were a commentary on One-Eyed Jack's in the way the Mitchum Bros. were commentary on Ben & Jerry; where Ben & Jerry enjoyed public acceptance but indulged in dark secrets and ran through vulnerable sex workers, Bradley & Rodney have a dark reputation/entrance but ultimately possess hearts of gold, rescuing at-risk women like these three.
Green is more expansively utilized, and supernatural in tone: the billowing leaves of those Douglas firs in an ominous breeze; the iconic Twin Peaks font's outline; the guiding light we see through Dougie's eyes (which I assume has always been a part of Coop's psyche and intuition); Dougie's iconic oversized jacket; the infamous Owl Cave ring; the vintage lampshade adorning Ben's desk; the childhood bike Ben fondly recalls in The Return; the framed picture of the tall pine in the Sheriff's Department lobby; the tiny fir stuffed by the partition in the Palmer household; Jade & Emerald, even. Ben says to Leo, conspiring to burn the mill in "The One-Armed Man" - "Three nights, Leo. Green light." Something about it reminds me of Jay Gatsby's over-analyzed yearning green light from the F. Scott Fitzgerald classic; the idea of the American Dream with wanton capitalism, and how it's impossible to achieve (am I crazy for thinking there's a connection between Big Ed's Gas Farm's neon egg sign and the West Egg/East Egg class divide?).
Of course, the owls are watching. Much like the eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg.
Ed's business harkens to how convenience stores (early-to-mid-century modernist American consumerism) were both the pumping blood and desiccated bone of our culture, as well as the Woodsmen womb. It also reminds me of old-style egg timers, and what is Twin Peaks but a show obsessed with the manipulation and perception of time? Was it the chicken or the egg that came first? Is it future or is it past?
By the time of The Return, we have lost these overly saturated tones, but the direct symbolic use of color is still integral to a Peaks viewing. I find it even more interesting that The Return made extensive use of black & white footage. Eraserhead and The Elephant Man alike (I've found both hold the spores for concepts and aesthetics fully developed in Lynch's later filmography, like the chevron Lodge floor pattern we all dearly love) were filmed in this manner; I feel Lynch chose this as nod to this earlier work, as well as the old formats of pre-color TV and film, like WWII newsreels. I find it relevant as well that older generations dream in black & white, a vanishing phenomenon which is directly related to the media of their era. B&W film informed the visual rhetoric of their unconscious minds; we, as younger Americans, dream in Technicolor.
This is the first shot we see of The Elephant Man. Notice how this is specifically his left arm, hand floating over the flame. Later in the film during a particularly moving sequence, Merrick first proves he is capable of speech for the first time by reciting the 23rd Psalm in a louder and louder tone, mirroring Annie Blackburn's prayers while Windom Earle led her bound into the Lodge.
The black & white sequences occur within the Lodge, relate directly to the Lodge - may Part 8 live forever in its atomic power - or otherwise involve unexplained phenomena (Cole's Monica Bellucci dream). By the time of The Return, a disconnect with the past and nostalgia is a core theme. The colors have faded. Coop, a half-baked shadow of himself, only gets restored by the chance mention of Gordon Cole's name in Sunset Blvd. Note Billy Wilder's 1950 film revolves around an aging actress lost in the reverie of her long-gone prime. (Also note her insistence, when William Holden's character asks her about the Salome film script, she's not conducting a "comeback" but a *return*; this, I feel, ties in as well to Major Briggs's underappreciated vision scene, emphasizing the idea of a return.) Although not shot in black & white, Pete, assisting Catherine as she tears apart their library, pauses for a moment during "The Last Evening" to linger on his high school yearbook. He's lost in the old pre-color photos, in the memory of Midge Jones, a man we never know. He's returned to a place in his youth, much like Garland's return to the gleaming, radiant marble of the fantastic palazzo in his S2 vision.
These two live in a retro-futurist Art Deco fever dream, accompanied the very appropriate Slow 30s Room soundtrack piece. Everything about the Fireman & Senorita Dido tells me of an America past its prime. I'm also convinced this was what Lynch envisioned for Briggs's palazzo; if only Don S. Davis was alive for The Return.
There's a plethora more I could get into, definitely for another thread: the preoccupation with trinities, animals, rings, technology, fine art references, and sonic elements are on my mind as well. I need to rewatch The Return again soon so more connections and thoughts are present. Let me know if you guys enjoyed this rambling mess!
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The entire script of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

OVER BLACK: BLART (V.O.) The road of life is always under construction... FADE IN: SUNRISE.* (* fromthe first movie) BLART (V.O.) ... thejourney is hard, but once you reach the top, the view is amazing. Amy and Blart getting married.* BLART (V.O.) And that view is even more beautiful when you have someone to share it with... Blart and Amy DANCE ON SEGWAYSat their reception.* INT. BLART’S MOM’S FRONT DOORWAY - DAY22Blart opens the door and is handed a LETTER by a STERN MAN. BLART (V.O.) ...forsix days. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - LATER33Blart sits in his Mom’s living room, holding the letter. She rubs his back as he CRIES HYSTERICALLY. BLART (V.O.) My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter that she had, what I like to call “some regrets.” Her doctor called it, “uncontrollable vomiting.” Her lawyer... “dissolution of marriage.” He looks up at his Mom, cries a little more... and then RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) That’s okay, I needed a little time to myself. Like the song says: I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me. (MORE) David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALSPE CONFIDENTIAL // That’s okay, when life knocks Page 2/88 you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, “you hit like a small boy.” And... (then) At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down... security. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY3A3AWe see Blart at the mall, throwing himself into his work. He rides through the mall, UP-NODDING to passing customers. BLART (V.O.) I spent the next two years losing myself in the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mall safe. Blart spies a SMALL CHILD who appears lost. He rolls up to him on the segway and takes his hand, leading him to find his mom. Seeing the MOM, Blart reunites her with the boy. The mom is overjoyed. MOMThank you! (then to boy) Now give the fake cop a hug Andy. Blart is flattered and leans in for the hug. Andy is having none of it. Blart goes in again -- nothing. MOM (CONT’D) (getting agitated) Andy... hug him. BLARTUh... he doesn’t want a hug that’s okay. Blart is now frozen in the hug lean position. MOM(still to son) You are embarrassing me. Blart back away and leans in one more time, but the kid just BELTS HIM and runs away. The mom runs after him. Blart awkwardly gets on his segway and rides away. BLART (V.O.) (CONT'D) Salmon (05/02/2014)2. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.0) And, on the home front... I always had Mom. Page 3/88 EXT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNING44Mom, in a fuzzy bathrobe, walks out into the street... BLART’S MOMOh, here’s the paper. ...and is DRILLED by an old-fashioned MILK TRUCK. BLART (V.O.) That is until she got drilled by a milk truck. Didn’t know they even had those anymore. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - DAY55Blart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... CRYING, uncontrollably. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) Besides my Maya, it didn’t seem like I had very much to look forward to. // INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNINGBlart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... he begins to CRY, uncontrollably. In the picture, we see: His MOTHER standing in a sun dress and big, floppy CHURCH HAT, surrounded by AFRICAN HUNTERS on SAFARI in AFRICA. Salmon (05/02/2014)2A. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.O.) That is until her church group travelled to Africa, where she went on safari, and while snapping pictures, and getting a little too close, caught the business end of a Dicerosbicornis... a black rhino. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY66We see a melancholy Blart as he rides through the mall. BLART (V.O.) I guess I was the last one to get the memo -- Paul Blart had officially peaked... INT. DINING ROOM - DAY77Blart is opening mail at the table, he reads a LETTER that Page 4/88 has SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATIONletterhead. INSERT LETTER: selected to join us for an all expense paid trip to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada.” BLART (V.O.) ... orhad I? INT. MAYA’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS88Maya reads a different LETTER with UCLAletterhead. INSERT LETTER: accepted to the incoming freshman class.” BLART (O.S.) Maya! Come down here! I have some great news! MAYAMe too! Maya excitedly runs out of her room. INT. DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER99Maya bounds in. Blart can’t contain himself. Buff (04/30/2014)3. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTHoney... we’ve been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony, in LasVegas, Nevada! MAYAVegas? Wow! BLARTI think they’re finally recognizing me for getting the mall out of that jam. MAYAJam? Dad, you savedthe mall! They shouldhonor you. I’m so proud of you. Maya hugs him. BLARTThank you honey. Blart breaks the hug and then holds Maya by the shoulders. BLART (CONT’D) I’ll tell ya, times have been tough, but no matter what happens as long as I have you by my side, I’ll be okay. (then) Alright, enough about me... what’s Page 5/88 your great news? Maya realizes it’s not the time to tell her dad about UCLA. She secretly tucks the letter into her back pocket. MAYAYeah, umm... BLARTWell, c’monSweetie, you got me on pins and needles here. // yougot me on top of the roller coaster here. MAYAI just remembered that... we have left-over baked ziti. Blart stares blankly at Maya... Is he on to her? Then... BLART(even bigger smile) What a day!! // Weeeeee!! What a ride!! 4. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The heroic MALL COP SCORE kicks in and we... CUT TO: CREDITS wiping behind the dented and worn SECURITY OFFICER 1010BADGE rotating through space. Finally settling on... TITLE: FLY-OVER1111The resort is bathed in golden sun, surrounded by the beautiful Las Vegas strip. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - DAY1212Blart and Maya slam the trunk on their tiny RENTAL CAR. Blart, struggling with four bags of luggage, is dressed in tourist civvies and has a large laminated SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATION EXPO pass hanging around his neck. A sweet faced valet, LANE (18), approaches. LANEMay I help with your bags, sir? BLARTNo, no. That’s how they get’cha. I’ll be fine on my own, thank you. LANENo problem, sir. Lane notices Maya and gives her a slight smile. Maya BLUSHES. INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY1313Blart and Maya enter the spectacular lobby. Blart drops his bags in AWE. For Blart, this is like going to the SUPERBOWL. BLARTTake it in, cupcake... 400,000 square feet of casino and retail Page 6/88 space, sitting atop 215 luxurious acres... all protected by the finest security this side of the//Uh... I got nothin’. Top notch security though. // Mississip... andthe other side, actually. Both sides. (then) Welcome to the show. // Showtime. 5. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTYeah, I definitely would stand down for Robocop. DONNA ERICONEHe’s not real. BLARTNo, I knew that. Wow, glad I packed my dress whites. DONNA ERICONEGood thing. Just don’t tell anyone I told you. BLARTTell anyone what? DONNA ERICONEAbout the keynote -- (realizing) Oh, you got me... She punches Blart in the arm, hard. DONNA ERICONE (CONT’D) ... You done gone and gotme! I’ll see you tonight. BLARTRoger that, Officer Ericone. Donna exits. Blart turns to Maya, rubbing his arm. BLART (CONT’D) You were right princess... things just keep getting better. MAYA(feeling guilty) That’s great dad. An energized Blart strides up to a male RECEPTIONIST. BLARTYello-ha. RECEPTIONISTGood afternoon sir, welcome to the Wynn Resort. Blart hands him his ITINERARY. He reads it. Taps on his computer. BLARTChecking in. Page 7/88 7. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTAbsolutely... Mr. Blart. BLARTMr. Blart... (chuckles to himself) I’m sure you were thrown by the travel wear. It’s actually Officer. People often forget there’s a human face to law enforcement. Maya’s horrified. RECEPTIONISTOh. Okay... sorry about that. (then) Oh, yes... “Officer” Blart, I see we have you in a partial mountain view and you requested a “bottomless” bowl of Peanut M&M’s... BLARTI didn’t... my doctor probably... it’s strictly medicinal. Unfortunately, I am cursed with hypo-glycemia. “The hidden hell.” Sugar level drops and so do I. RECEPTIONISTOkay. BLART(not letting it go) It is okay because... fun fact for ya... Author Stephen King and comedian Sinbad, // R&B diva Patty LaBellealso have hypo-glycemia. So, I’m in pretty good company. RECEPTIONISTOf course. (taps a few more keys) Ooh... I’m sorry, but your room isn’t ready yet. In fact, we don’t have you checking in until three. But you can leave your luggage and I will have it delivered to the room. MAYADad, I’m starving. Can we just get some lunch? BLARTWhoa! Hold the mayo. (to receptionist) Page 8/88 (MORE) 8. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL I’m sure you didn’t know this, uh... (reads name tag) Heath, but if you check the Grand ballroom and see what group’s booked there tonight, I think your tune might change a wee bit... The receptionist HITS A KEY, reads the screen. RECEPTIONISTMini-Kiss... the cover band. BLARTWow, they’re good. RECEPTIONISTYes, they are. BLARTYeah, I’m not with them. Is there a manager, I could talk to? RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry she’s not available right now. Blart makes a decision... SIGHS. BLARTAlright... I hate doing this. Blart reaches in his SHOULDER BAG. MAYAOh no, Dad... not the maga-- BLARTSorry dumplin’, got no choice. MAYA(to receptionist) Terrace Cafe open for lunch? RECEPTIONISTYes it is. MAYAI’m out. Maya goes. Blart drops the MAGAZINE on the counter and then with GREAT FANFARE turns it to face the receptionist and SLOWLY SLIDES it towards him. BLART (CONT'D) 9. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry sir, what am I looking at? BLART“Perimeter Check,” the official trade journal of the security industry, Feb. ‘09. RECEPTIONISTDid you print this yourself? Page 9/88 BLARTAbsolutely not -- it’s published biannually. Big seller in Canada. (then) Take a gander at the inside of the back cover, I think it should clear things up. RECEPTIONIST(reading) “Say goodbye to toenail fungus...” BLARTOpposite page... toward the bottom. RECEPTIONIST : Oh. (then) Is that you? BLARTIt is. (leans in) This is not public information, but it seems I’m going to be delivering the keynote speech at the Security Officer convention, tonight. RECEPTIONIST(remembering) Oh you know, I think they cancelled that... (checks computer) Wup, no, they didn’t. But it was downsized to conference room “C”. Nope, “F.” The Receptionist retrieves a MAP, and opens it. RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D) Okay, here’s a map of our property. Blart looks at it quickly and slides it back. 10. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTThank you. RECEPTIONISTNo, that’s yours to keep. BLARTDon’t need it. It’s been scanned. (re: It’s all in here. Locked and loaded. Time for lunch. Blart exits. After a beat: RECEPTIONISTSir, your daughter and the Page 10/88 restaurant are that way. He points in the opposite direction. BLARTYup... themap was upside down when I scanned it. Blart exits the other way. OMIT 1515INT. TERRACE CAFE / (EUROPEAN POOL) - DAY1616Blart arrives at an outdoor table to find Lane talking to Maya, who is already in the middle of an appetizer. LANEWas I lying about the conch fritters? MAYAYou were not! They’re amazing! With just the right amount of zip! LANEGotta love the zip! MAYAOh, I do... I was born to zip! LANEPut my hand up on my hip, whenI zip... MAYA...youzip, 11. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) ...we zip. LANE...we zip. They share a LAUGH. There’s obviously a little connection between them. Blart clocks this. Lane turns to him. LANE (CONT’D) Oh, you forgot your valet ticket sir. He hands Blart the TICKET and then turns back to Maya, smiles and exits. Maya blushes once again. Blart plops down and stares at Maya. MAYAWhat? BLARTYou were bornto zip? Since when do you use the word “zip?” MAYAI always use the word zip. BLARTI don’t like it. Hipster talk. Maya shakes her head. MAYALook, Dad... you’re gonnahave to get used to the fact that I’m a big girl now. BLARTOkay, first of all, we’re all big... we’re Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles and a low center of Page 11/88 gravity, that’s how the good Lord made us. That’s why we’re so good at moving furniture. Blart pulls something from his pocket. It’s a MECHANICAL VIBRATING FORK. He begins to pick at the conch fritters. MAYAWhat is that? BLARTMy vibrating fork. It forces me eat slower. You think I eat fast at home? On vacation, I’m like a greyhound chasing a bunny. Blart takes a QUICK TWO BITES and it indeed VIBRATES and a RED LIGHT light FLASHES. 12. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) See? Blart waits for it to STOP vibrating, and the light to turn GREEN. He then takes another bite. This time slower. BLART (CONT’D) There we go. (quietly to himself) It’s just fuel. Just fuel. VOICE (O.S) Mr. Blart? Blart turns around WAY TOO FAST for the situation. BLARTSHANGHAI! But it’s only the smoking hot general manager, DIVINA MARTINEZ, who has two ROOM KEYS in her hand. DIVINAOh. Sorry to startle you, sir. BLARTIt’s okay, sometimes it’s just hard to turn off. // You hit the trip wire is all. Divina has no idea what he is talking about. DIVINAOkay. Well, I’m Divina Martinez, the hotel’s general manager. I wanted to apologize about the confusion regarding the convention and let you to know how happy we are to have your group staying with us. (beat) And good news -- I upgraded your Page 12/88 room. It has a view of the strip, it’s ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally. Divina sets the keys down on the table and accidentally BRUSHES HER FINGERS against Blart’s. DIVINA (CONT’D) Oh, sorry about that. (having fun) Although, I must say you have very soft hands. Blart immediately reacts. 13. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTWhoa. Pump the brakes. // Whoa, pffffffffft... airbag! DIVINAExcuse me? BLARTI sense what you’re doing... (off her name tag) Divina. DIVINAWhat am I doing? BLARTTruthfully? Being a bit transparent. DIVINA(confused) I’m sorry. I don’t follow-- BLARTLook, I understand it’s the 21st century and a woman can go after hers just like a man. Maya is now dying a slow death. MAYADad, I really don’t think she was-- BLART(puts his hand up) This is grown-up stuff, tadpole. (back to Divina) Look, it takes two to tango and my dancing shoes are currently out for repair. DIVINASir... I’m sorry if I -- BLARTApology not needed, just know I’m working my way through a maze of personal fire and until the flames of chaos subside... I’m just not ready for public consumption. Divina decides it’s best to just let the customer be right. Page 13/88 DIVINAUm... I understand, sir. Have a great stay. 14. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Divina walks off. BLART(to Maya) It’s not just me, right? She was relentless. Divina, still totally confused, turns back to look one more time. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS 1717A custom Harley Davidson MOTORCYCLE blows into the valet area and comes to a stop. The rider takes off his helmet to reveal... EDUARDO FURTILLO, HEAD OF SECURITY for the Wynn Resort and Casino. He is immaculately dressed in a GREY SUIT, with an EAR PIECE inconspicuously tucked into his collar. Two AGENTS from Casino Security join his side as Eduardo confidently enters the hotel. One wears a BLACK SUIT, AGENT PARSONS The other wears a PURPLE SUIT (like the one Henkwore,) this is AGENT JENKINS. EXT. TERRACE CAFE (EUROPEAN POOL) - MOMENTS LATER1818Divina stands there, lost in thought. Eduardo strides up. EDUARDO : Hola, mi amor. Divina, still a tad thrown, gives Eduardo a little kiss. He senses something is off. EDUARDO (CONT’D) What troubles you, my pet? DIVINAI just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there. Divina points to Blart. P.O.V: EDUARDOEl Gordo? DIVINA(this is absurd) Yeah -- he accused me of hitting on him. 15. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow Page 14/88 SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDO(chuckles) Funny -- they say overweight people use humor to achieve affection. DIVINAYou know what? Okay, yes -- I also heard that. // -- that makes sense. They share a laugh, as they both look at Blart. P.O.V: VIBRATING and the LIGHT to turn off. A VIP RECEPTIONIST arrives and clears her throat. VIP RECEPTIONISTExcuse me, Ms. Martinez, our VIP guest has arrived. INT. WYNN VIP RECEPTION AREA - MOMENTS LATER1919Divina and Eduardo enter. Divina extends her hand to... VINCENT SOFEL, 40’s, TWO DIFFERENT COLORED EYES, a three piece suit, sits in a chair, sipping an espresso. A BRIEFCASE sits at his feet. Behind him is ROBINSON, mid 30’s, African American and Vincent’s bodyguard, SCOTT, tall, black suit. Vincent stands. DIVINAWelcome back to the Wynn, Mr. Sofel. We have the accommodations you requested all ready for you. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call either myself or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo. Divina points to Eduardo, who nods. VINCENTYou guys took me for a lot of money on my last visit. DIVINAWell, I hope you’re able to turn that around this time. Vincent smirks. VINCENTOh, I plan to. 16. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM -- LATER2020Blart finishes unpacking and notices that there is one QUEENSIZE BED and one folded ROLL AWAY. He calls to Maya. BLARTI don’t know how this is an upgrade. You take the bed, I’ll Page 15/88 take the roll away. MAYA (O.S.) Dad, this is your convention, you can’t sleep on the roll away. BLARTI certainly can. I once fell asleep in a hurdler’s stretch. // climbinga fence. // rakingleaves. // duringa snowball fight. MAYA (O.S.) We’ll figure it out later. I gotta get going. Maya comes out wearing a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, with puffy flowers. She’s holding her beach bag, and heads for the door. Blart panics... BLARTWhoaaa, okay, thanks for telling me, Victoria’s secret! (averts his eyes) What do you think you’re wearing young lady? MAYAUm, a bathing suit? BLARTMaybe for an elf // maybe for a cabbage patch doll... how about leaving a little to the imagination. // leavinga little for your wedding night. MAYAI was going to hang out by the pool. BLARTNot in that. Maya rolls her eyes, grabs a COVER UP and puts it over her bathing suit. MAYAFine. Then I’m going exploring. 17. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Maya starts for the door. BLARTHold up. You got your extra phone battery? MAYAYup. BLARTFlashlight? MAYAAlways. BLARTHot pepper spray? MAYACheck. BLARTPocket knife-key chain, window Page 16/88 smasher? MAYAI do. BLARTBaby road flares? MAYAYes! I’ve got it all! Finally, Blart produces a small consumer WALKIETALKIE. BLARTHere take this. It’s set to monitor, so I can hear everything that’s going on. MAYANo way -- I already feel like a SWAT unit! BLARTMaya, security is a mission, not an intermission. Blart looks long at Maya, until this sinks in... Yellow (04/22/2014)18. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) Okay. Head on a swivel. She exits. INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY - HIGH CEILING2121We are in a beautiful, two story suite. There is a flurry of activity as several people (NADIA, CARLOS, KIRA, and Scott) move DIFFERENT SIZE WOODEN CRATES into the suite. Vincent hands Robinson the BRIEFCASE he’s been carrying. Robinson opens it and places it on the coffee table. He then unfolds three pencil-thin COMPUTER MONITORS from the case, revealing a KEYBOARD. We see that the briefcase has now become an elaborate COMPUTER SYSTEM. Robinson looks impressed. Vincent leans over Robinson’s shoulder. VINCENTLet’s see if I bankrolled the right NSA agent. Robinson hits a few keystrokes, then a PASSWORD and we see that he’s hacked into the entire Wynn surveillance system. ROBINSONHow’s that? VINCENTSo far, so good. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. All activity stops dead. Scott pulls a SILENCED PISTOL, puts it behind his back and opens the door. A Wynn security agent, HENK, enters. He wears the signature WYNN, PURPLE SUIT with a NAME TAG and an EAR BUD. HENKWe had a complaint about the noise. Page 17/88 Robinson stands and approaches the security guard. He looks him up and down for a tense beat, then... ROBINSONThat’s why we have you. Vincent steps up. VINCENTI gotta say Henk, -- nice uniform. 19. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL And Henk, the fake security agent, smiles wide. HENKYou don’t want to know what it took to get the real deal. VINCENTI don’t -- The activity once again starts. Henkwinks and... HENKGotta get back to keeping the Wynn Resort safe. Henkshuts the door behind him. Nadia, the art expert, holds up her phone as she approaches Vincent. NADIAThey’ve moved several of the pieces in the last few days. Here’s the new locations of all thirteen. On the screen is a hi-tech “3DRENDERING” of the entire hotel with RED DOTS marking the locations of the art. She hits send on her phone. Vincent then gathers his troops. VINCENTPerfect. I want to be in and out in less than nine hours people. Robinson holds up his phone next to Vincent’s, a timer is CLICKING DOWN from 9:00:00... 8:59:59... 8:59:58, etc. Robinson hits a BUTTON and the TIMER on Vincent’s phone perfectly syncs up. We now see the crew start to change their clothes into Wynn “EMPLOYEES: Even Robinson puts on a PURPLE security coat and EAR PIECE. INT. WYNN CASINO (ENCORE CASINO) - DAY2222Blart strolls through the casino, when he hears an ERUPTION of CHEERS at a nearby CRAPS TABLE. He weaves his way over. BLART(to gambler) What’s all the hoopla friend? GAMBLER # 1(re: This guy’s crushing! I’m literally running out of room for my chips! Page 18/88 20. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL WAITRESSIt’s complimentary, sir. BLART(keeps getting better) Complimentary? (signaling for all) Then root beers around the horn! She stares at him. BLART (CONT’D) (sotto) Just one. She exits. BLART (CONT’D) I have never felt more alive! The High Roller THROWS the dice. CRAPS DEALERSeven! Craps! A HUGE GROAN from the crowd. Gambler # 1 GLARES at Blart. GAMBLER # 1Boo. The dealer turns to Blart. CRAPS DEALERYou lost everythingBLARTBut, don’t I get -- CRAPS DEALEREverything. Devastated, Blart stares straight ahead and slowly backs away from the table. Just then his complimentary ROOT BEER arrives. Blart blankly grabs the mug, CHUGS the entire thing and slowly walks away in a daze. EXT. WYNN SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY2323Still stung, Blart walks through the lobby when he sees Maya talking to Lane at the Valet stand! He stealthily makes his way to get a better look, when Maya notices him. Busted, Blart tries to get away but he just slams into a LUGGAGE CART. 22. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS23A23ALane notice Blart, struggling with the luggage cart. LANEHey, is that your dad? MAYAI wish I could say “no” right now. Page 19/88 (then) I’ll be right back. Maya leaves and approaches Blart. MAYA (CONT’D) Dad, are you spying on me? BLARTSpying? No, I’m -- I just wanted you to know something... MAYAWhat? Beat. Thinks. BLARTThe door to safety swings on common sense. MAYAGo. Please. BLARTMaya. MAYADad! You are embarrassing me. BLART(heartbroken) Sorry you feel that way. I’ll leave you alone. MAYAPlease. Maya returns to talk to Lane, as Blart walks away, crushed. Just then, Blart is approached by SAUL GUNDERMUTT, a poorly dressed man with a mouthful of huge VENEERS, a thick Afro of RED HAIR and sporting large GOLD FRAMED EYE GLASSES. 23. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTTBlart. Saul Gundermutt, head of the Security Officers Trade Association. I catch you at a bad time? BLART(recovering) No, no, it’s a pleasure, sir. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPleasure’s mine and I just want you to know, I got you sitting at my table tonight. Blart can barely contain himself. This confirms it! BLARTWow, I’m just so excited. I heard rumblings.... Saul looks CONFUSED. SAUL GUNDERMUTTRumblings? BLART(leading) About the keynote... SAUL GUNDERMUTTOh... with good reason -- NickPanero’sgiving it. Great guy. Great guard. Page 20/88 Blart looks gut punched. He quickly tries to cover. BLARTYeah, no. NickPanero. Those were the rumblings. That’s terrific. That is SO good. (then) Love to meet him sometime... pick his brain... SAUL GUNDERMUTTLooks like your lucky day, here he comes. Saul nods in the direction of.... Officer NICKPANERO, 40’s, GOOFY, JITTERY wearing a MALL OF MIAMI T-SHIRT, and Officer GINO CHIZETTI, 50’s, wearing an ill-fitting TANK TOP. They approach Blart. Pink (04/21/2014)24. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Blart. Officer NickPaneroand Officer Gino Chizetti. BLARTOfficer Manero. Nice to-- NICKPANEROHold the applesauce, hot shot. I heard‘ayou. Rumor has it, you thought youwere giving the keynote tonight. (turns to Chizetti) He thought he was giving it. GINO CHIZETTIYou thought you were giving it? BLART(covering) No. I didn’t -- NICKPANEROMan. You gotta stop bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart. It was six years ago. GINO CHIZETTIGotta let it go. BLART(confused) I never brought up Black Friday. GINO CHIZETTIYa did... ya just did. SAUL GUNDERMUTTActually, the Black Friday thing’s why you’re here, Paul. BLARTHmm? SAUL GUNDERMUTTTo show some appreciation. Let you check out the latest in security technology and sit at the table of honor when Nick gives the keynote. Page 21/88 BLARTAnd what an honor it is. (to Nick) I’m sorry, what did you do again? Pink (04/21/2014)25. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL NICKPANERO(incredulous) What’dI do? GINO CHIZETTI(incredulous) What’dhe do? NICKPANEROLast year I thwarted a ring of frozen yogurt thieves. You know those punch cards where if you hit a certain amount you get a free yogurt? BLARTSure. SAUL GUNDERMUTTWe got ‘em in the mid west. NICKPANEROWell, these animals made their own hole-punch, and next thing you know the place is hemorrhagingyogurt. I had no choice but to take ‘em down. GINO CHIZETTITake ‘em down. NICKPANERO(to Chizetti) You gotta stop that. GINO CHIZETTIYup. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPretty impressive, huh? BLARTYeah, bad day to be a yogurt thief. NICKPANEROThat’s right, slingshot. Well, no hard feelings. Tell you what. After I bring down the house tonight... Chizetti and I’ll take you out for a cold one. BLART(through the pain) I don’t drink. That’s when a Segway EMPLOYEE rides behind them and pulls up to a Segway RENTAL KIOSK. Pink (04/21/2014)26. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart’s eyes GO WIDE. Gino Chizetti leans in... GINO CHIZETTIHeard you’re pretty good on one of Page 22/88 those. BLARTI’ve been known to dabble. Blart jumps on the Segway... BLART (CONT’D) (trying to appear humble) I really shouldn’t. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEActually sir, you can’t. I would need a valid driver’s license if you want to take it for a test drive. Blart holds his LAMINATE in front of his face. BLARTI think if you peep the laminate, you’ll see I’m all access. Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode. Blart hits a BUTTON and the Segway gives off an acceptance CHIRP. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEOkay, well I see you know your way around a p133. BLARTI do, but this old gal’s a bit tired... I have a modified i2commuter myself. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEWow, that’s really cool... still gonnaneed a valid license though. Blart easily does a couple of quick moves. Growing in confidence... BLART(re: Whoa... THAT just took place. // Whoa... THAT was valid. SEGWAY EMPLOYEESir, please be careful. It’s about weight distribution. Make sure both hands are firmly on the grips. 27. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTOh, really? So I’m guessing you wouldn’t want me to do THIS! Blart takes BOTH HANDS off the Segway and leans forward taking off towards the Valet stand and Maya. Blart WINKS at Maya, she’s horrified. MAYAPlease don’t... Blart aggressively executes a series of impressive, ONE-ARMED SPIN MOVES, gaining speed and confidence. Blart takes off BACKWARDS into the driveway. Page 23/88 The crowd is impressed, until a SHUTTLE VAN pulls up and everyone GASPS... It’s going to DRILL Blart... But NO! Blart pulls off the move of the century and avoids certain disaster!! Just as he looks over to the impressed crowd and cracks a sly smile... he backs the Segway directly into a moving CONVERTIBLE! Blart back flips into the back seat and the car pulls away. Maya’s mortified. Lane is stunned. After a beat... LANEWell, I better get back to work. I’m off in a half hour. Maybe I’ll see you around. MAYAI’d like that. As Blart drunk-walks his way back into the valet area... BLART(mumbling) Shuttle van...// Still got the laminate... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON2424Blart, still in pain, lays on the ROLL AWAY. Maya enters from the bathroom wearing a Wynn robe. BLARTLottafun today... great fun! MAYADad, you okay? You should really get checked out. 28. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart musters the courage to tell her. BLARTPumpkin, my body’s fine... it’s my ego that took a hit. Turns out I’m not giving the keynote tonight. Maya feels terrible. MAYAWell you know what? You should call a cop, because you got robbed. BLARTThanks kitten... but technically I wouldn’t need a cop -- MAYAIt’s a figure of speech, daddy. BLART : I know, it’s just, cops think they’re all that. Don’t like it. Do not... like it. Blart checks his WATCH. BLART (CONT’D) Page 24/88 Whoa, we got a meet-and-greet in fifteen... we should get a move on. Blart painfully gets off the roll away. MAYAAs exciting as that sounds, I think I’m just gonnatake a bath and a nap. I’m kindatired. BLART(a bit hurt) Sure. Right. You should get some rest. (beat) I’ll come back to get you for dinner at Bartolotta. We have reservations at six. It’s supposed to be the real deal. MAYA(short) Gotcha. Blart deflates, opens the door. MAYA (CONT’D) Hey dad... Yellow (04/22/2014)29. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) Sorry about the speech. I’ll see you later. I love you. She gives Blart a KISS and heads into the bathroom. He can’t help but SMILE. EXT. EUROPEAN POOL/ CABANA BAR - AFTERNOON2525Blart stands with Gino and Donna listening to Nick. They all hold FRUITY DRINKS. NICKPANEROSo I got this one kid against the wall and I turn to the other and say, “hand over the yogurt.” It was over that fast. Lights out. GINO CHIZETTILights out. (turns to Blart) Hey, how much you pay for your belt? BLART(confused) Um... I don’t know it was a gift. GINO CHIZETTIYou gotta guy? ‘Cause I gotta guy. Page 25/88 BLARTA belt guy? No, I don’t have a belt guy. Just then an older, Indian man, KHAN MUBI, joins the group. As he greets each one of them, he HUGS them... KHAN MUBIKhan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. Blart takes the hug. BLARTThank you. It’s been one heck of a day. That embrace helped. Khan pulls Blart in for ANOTHER hug. BLART (CONT’D) Yup. First one warmed me up... but this one brought it home. Pink (04/21/2014)30. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Khan releases the hug. BLART (CONT’D) We should probably go... They all make their way into the... INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL - MOMENTS LATER2626Where many KIOSKS are set up under banners...“NON-LETHAL WEAPONS... ETC.” Blart is impressed. BLARTWow... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE BATHROOM - SAME2727Maya lights a CANDLE and sets it on the edge of the tub. She takes out her acceptance letter, sits and reads it again. She is interrupted by her phone BEEPING. It’s a text from Lane. ON SCREEN: EXT. WYNN ASIAN SCULPTURE HALLWAY - SAME2828An incredible ASIAN SCULPTURE is being admired by two TOURISTS. Nearby, an attractive WOMAN drops her PURSE, scattering her belongings onto the floor. We’ve seen her before in the presidential suite, her name is Kira. KIRAOh, no! As soon as the tourists move over to help her, Robinson, dressed as purple coated security, takes out a REPLICA DOME and hits “play.” Page 26/88 ON SCREEN: He quickly moves under the SECURITY CAMERA and ATTACHES the replica dome, so it’s broadcasting what’s playing in a 360 degree field of view. He then holds out what looks like a hand held metal detector. A BLUE LIGHT emits from the device and SCANS the glass case. A light on the back of the device turns GREEN. Robinson then NODS to Kira. She nods back and Robinson moves off. 31. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - SAME2929Blart, Khan, Gino and Donna move to the first kiosk where REP #1 lifts up what looks like a SAWED OFF SHOTGUN. Nick heads off in a different direction. REP #1I’d like to introduce you to “The Big Sticky Mess,” a sawed off shotgun that shoots glue foam. You get this on you and it’s stickier than a work shoe in an IHOPbathroom. The group moves to the NEXT KIOSK: Blart greets REP #2. BLARTWhat’s the latest, friend? REP #2Marbles... you release this tie, and two hundred marbles are at your disposal. It’s your best answer to crowd control. You can’t run with these under your feet. Heck, you can’t even stand. THE NEXT KIOSK: BLARTFlashlight? REP #3Nope. The VitruSonic Taser. Renders your assailant incapacitated for five seconds at a time. The group walks along, when Blart notices... THE KIOSK ACROSS THE WAY: Saul Gundermutt attends to a large CURTAINED BOX. Blart drifts away from the group and up to Saul. SAUL GUNDERMUTTHey Paul. BLARTHey Saul. What’chagot there? Page 27/88 SAUL GUNDERMUTTIt’s getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon. It’s a prototype. Not supposed to show anybody. (looks around) (MORE) 32. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL But since you’re into gyroperformance vehicles.... takea gander. Saul peels back the curtain. We don’t see what Blart sees. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Things will never be the same. Blart is shaken to the core. NEXT KIOSK: rejoins the group. REP #4When it’s time to make them pay the price, reach for “The Finisher,” * the most effective, non-lethal bean bag firearm on the market. The officers are impressed. The Rep turns to Blart. REP #4 (CONT’D) Why don’t you take her for a spin. BLARTMe? Um... sure. The Rep hands the gun to Blart who takes careful aim. There are FOUR TARGETS set up. Blart fires off four quick shots... MISS. MISS. MISS. MISS. We hear a CHUCKLE off screen. The group turns to reveal... Eduardo, Agent Parsons (black coat) and Agent Jenkins (purple coat). EDUARDOPaul Blart, Mall Cop. BLARTYes sir. EDUARDOEduardo Furtillo, Headof Security for the Wynn Resort and Casino.. BLARTOh, nice to meet a fellow brother in arms. (then, to his group) Fun fact for ya. You may notice that Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security is in a grey coat. While... I’m sorry son, I didn’t Page 28/88 get your name. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT'D) Cherry (05/13/2014)33. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The security agent next to Eduardo speaks. AGENT JENKINSJenkins. BLARTWhile Jenkins here is wearing a purple coat. See, they have a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities... Grey, black, pine, and then finally... purple. (to Jenkins) Sorry. No offense. AGENT JENKINSYou’re wearing a polyestershirt with spanxunderneath. BLARTYep. Good catch. // Today I am... yes. (then, to Eduardo) By the way, as a professional courtesy, happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I’m here. JENKINSOh, I think we’re good. BLARTYou’re great, the best -- just honoring the code of the badge. If you’re ever in my barn, I hope you’d do the same. EDUARDO(to Jenkins) He’s adorable, right? Jenkins and Parsons share a laugh. EDUARDO (CONT’D) (back to Blart) I see you admiring the “non lethals”. Guess they don’t trust you with the real stuff. I mean what are you really “guarding” anyway? Cell phone covers and Cinnabon? BLARTWell, there’s also three ATM’s and a Dave and Buster’s, so -- Pink (04/21/2014)34. Page 29/88 David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDOHey. (motions to Blart) Closer. Gonna let you in on a little secret. Since I was named head of security five years ago, we have not had so much as a towel go missing. The Wynn hotel is the most secure place in the entire world. Without breaking eye contact, Eduardo GRABS the bean bag gun and fires off FOUR SHOTS with one hand, KNOCKING DOWN all four targets. EDUARDO (CONT’D) We don’t need your help, amateur hour. But please, have fun at your little get together tonight. Eduardo drops the bean bag gun and walks away. Blart turns to the group. BLARTWow, that was impressive. And is it me, or did he smell like tobacco and vanilla? INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON3030Blart enters his hotel room. BLARMaya... you still in the bath? (knocks on door) Sunshine? Concerned, Blart opens the door to find... the BATHTUB FILLED, candles STILL LIT, her ROBE lying on the floor. BUT NO MAYA! He grabs the phone in the bathroom. BLARTGET ME SECURITY! EXT. ENCORE BEACH CLUB POOL BAR - AFTERNOON3131As several youngpeople hang out, wefindMayaand Lane each enjoy a SODA. LANEIt’s so cool you got into UCLA. You must be stoked. 35. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYANot really. I haven’t been able to tell my dad. Page 30/88
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Twin Peaks: The Return is essentially a David Lynch variety show.

I'm in the middle of my first rewatch of Twin Peaks: The Return since it aired. Seeing it pop on all those best of the decade lists reminded me of just what a strange and wonderful experience the show was. Maybe not the return to the whimsical normalcy of the original series, but basically a it's a David Lynch variety show. A celebration of his overall universe underneath the Twin Peaks banner.
Each episode features a variety of loosely connected vignettes and sketches set within the Twin Peaks universe - some featuring characters from the show, others featuring character who could very well have been from the show - structured around a vaguely defined theme and a musical guest. All that's missing are those Log Lady intros to serve as the master of ceremonies.
Sure, there's a story being told. It's surprising how much sense it actually makes on a second viewing. It's kind of a Lovecraftian story about otherworldly creatures feasting on the destruction of the American dream. It's a comment on time, our human tendency to lose ourselves in fleeting moments and how the good times are as rare as a jackpot in a crooked casino. You could probably also say it's David Lynch thumbing his nose at the idea of reviving his old cancelled TV show. Those moments are gone, and we'll never find them again.
All of that being said, it's probably best not to overthink it. Twin Peaks is meant to be experienced. David Lynch can clearly be heard laughing on the wind whenever someone tries to define what his work means. Some might need more weed/wine/cherry pie than others to get in the right headspace for it, and it's definitely not for everyone. I just think the best way to give it a shot is think of the opening credits as the house band warming up. and let the whole thing wash over you. Like you're watching some bizarre, otherworldly variety show.
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A Week in the Wild: pt. 2 - BANNER PEAK - YouTube

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